Homecoming
by hopewithfeathers
Summary: Blaine's a soldier that lives for coming home to his family.  This is a story about different ways and situations in which Blaine Anderson comes home.  There's surprises, tears, joy, sadness, basically everything.  Rated T for language and hints of sex
1. The Airport

**Hi! For everyone who's reading "Fragile Things," don't worry, because I almost have the next chapter finished. I was just watching videos of soldiers coming home the other day, and I couldn't **_**not**_** write a fic about it. Plus, I just love the idea of soldier!Blaine. :) I hope you all like this (I loved writing it SO MUCH), and please tell me what you think when you're done reading!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of it's characters, especially Kurt and Blaine. Sadly.**

"Sleep,

Sleep.

We are together always

We are together always

There never was a time

when this

was not so."

-Leslie Marmon Silko, _Lullaby_

Blaine watches hopefully as Sergeant Reid hands out letters to the men in his platoon. He knows that it's unlikely he'll receive a letter—he'd just gotten one from Kurt (God, _Kur_t) about two weeks ago. But Blaine still waits and wishes, like always. Kurt's neat handwriting and continuous declarations of love are what gets Blaine through this war. The Sergeant moves on past him, and Blaine deflates slightly. He turns away, already drawing up images in his mind of Kurt, Kurt's smell, and Kurt's smile, so he can get through the night, when—

"Anderson. You have a letter." Blaine's belly lurches with want and joy. He takes the letter from Sergeant Reid's outstretched hand, feeling the weight of Kurt's written words in his palm.

"Thank you, sir." Blaine jumps slightly as another solider groans from behind him.

"Jesus Christ, Anderson, you have another letter? Didn't you just get one?"

"Someone loves him," another solider grins; Blaine thinks his name is Jake Ryder. "Whoever it is writes more to you than my wife does to me." Blaine blushes a little, but can't help but feel proud. Someone at home is waiting for him.

"Just lucky, I guess," he explains.

X

Later that night, a small group including Ryder, Blaine, and a couple other men in their platoon lie around a bonfire. Most of them sing rowdily, making up their own songs and laughing at nothing in particular. Blaine joins in on a few bars of the songs he knows, but mostly he watches the sky and reads Kurt's letter over and over, the words he can practically memorize by now:

_My dear Blaine_,

_Even writing your name makes me feel a little closer to you. I've been thinking about you a lot, lately. Well, more than usual, anyway, because I always think about you. But I've just been thinking about where you are, and I hope with everything I have that you're safe, because I don't know what I'll do if you're not. I don't know why, but last night I thought about junior prom and when you were so brave, asking me to dance in front of all those ignorant people. All I could think about was how much I loved you for standing up with me, and that's kind of how I feel now. I love you for how brave you are for giving your life to a country that doesn't even fully accept you. Except I wasn't scared when you asked me to dance (I knew those people couldn't hurt us in front of everyone), but now I've never been more scared for you and yet proud at the same time. I'm so scared, and I miss you so much that it's like a constant ache in my stomach, but it's okay. I can handle missing you as long as you're safe. Please, Blaine, promise me you'll come home._

_But before I cry, I have to tell you the big news! I can't really create any suspense in a letter, so I'll just tell you. Finn proposed to Rachel on their four year anniversary last week, and now they're engaged! Rachel's going absolutely crazy of course, though I can't really judge her because I know I'll be even worse.. She's running around, trying to plan everything (she refuses to hire a wedding planner) and find a dress. They're getting married in three months, Blaine. Three months! When we get married, baby, I'll need at least a year to get everything ready. But I think they just want to be married already. Finn asked me to be the best man, and Mercedes is the maid of honor. Finn and Rach know you can't be there, but they send their love. They seem really guilty that they aren't waiting for you to get back, but I told them that you would kill them if they waited because of you. It seems so natural that they should get married, we knew they would, but it's still so weird. It seems like yesterday we were all still at glee practice._

_I know this letter is kind of turning into a novel, so sorry about that. All I have to do is practice, design, and write to you. I tried out for another play, but they didn't take me, big surprise. Who knew, even in New York, that they won't take me because I'm not traditional? But I don't want to worry you with my problems, I know you have enough of your own. Oh Blaine, please just be safe and make it home soon. I just can't stand thinking about you out there, where I can' t reach you, but I know you said you won't be able to write for a while. I miss you so much, B, and I'm counting down the days until you come home. Only six months and fifteen days to go!_

_I love you with all my heart, Blaine, and nothing will change that. Don't ever doubt that. Be safe._

_Yours always, _

_Kurt_

"So, who's the lucky girl?" Ryder asks, jarring Blaine from his deep thoughts. The other solider caught the look of pure love and heartache on the shorter man's face, and he's wondering who Blaine adores so much. Despite Blaine being so, _so _proud to be with Kurt, he still blushes. Ryder flops onto his back next to Blaine, staring up at the stars with him.

"Not a girl," Blaine mumbles. "My boyfriend, Kurt." Blaine knows Ryder is absorbing this information, calculating, but finally the tall brunette smiles a little in Blaine's direction.

"Do you have a photo?" Ryder asks. Blaine's eyes widen a little in surprise. Even his guy friends back in New York don't ask about Kurt too much, but they are supportive and protective of him.

"Uh, yeah," Blaine stutters, because he always keeps a slightly bent, wallet-sized photo of Kurt in the breast pocket of his uniform. He digs it out carefully, smoothing it in his palm before handing it over to Ryder. The picture is a good one—Kurt had been lounging on the couch one day after work, sleepy and droopy eyed, and Blaine had snuck up on him to snap a picture. Kurt, of course, had caught him and turned to him at the last possible second, his eyes wide in surprise and so, so blue. Kurt hated the picture, but Blaine refused to delete it—it was one of his favorite pictures of his boyfriend. He'd carried it around with him ever since.

Ryder smiles slightly as he studies Kurt, finally handing the picture back to Blaine. He looks like he wants to say something that guys always say to each other in this situation, like "He's beautiful" or "You're lucky," but he doesn't because that would be a little weird. Blaine smiles back anyway. Blaine's just about to ask him about his wife to diffuse any discomfort Ryder might be feeling, but Ryder speaks before he can.

"Tell me about him," he says. And Blaine doesn't want to dump all his bottled up feelings for Kurt on this guy he barely knows, but he can't pass up the opportunity. He hasn't spoken Kurt's name aloud in months, besides a minute ago. Ryder did ask, and he seems accepting enough. Blaine clears his throat.

"Kurt, he's…well, he's just perfect. He's a fashion designer now, but what he really wants to do is perform on Broadway. He's been trying out for plays, but he hasn't gotten in yet, because he…he doesn't exactly look like what a lead male is supposed to look like, you know?" Ryder nods sympathetically, his gaze moving from the stars to Blaine's glowing face. "He's the most amazing cook, seriously, if I wasn't here I'd be fat right now. He's really sarcastic and bossy when you first meet him, but on the inside he's, like, the most compassionate and loving person I've ever met. Even though he's still sarcastic and bossy." Blaine's smile is so wide that his cheeks are starting to hurt. "I miss him. Duh. I miss him more than I thought was possible."

"I know how that feels," Ryder whispers. "It's, like, you can't even breathe sometimes you miss them so bad." Blaine nods vigorously, because _finally,_ someone _gets it_. He props his head up with his elbow.

"What's your wife's name?"

"Abbie," he replies. "We live in Michigan, and we have a little girl named Sable." Blaine smiles warmly. He loves talking to someone about home for a change.

"That's a pretty name, Sable. How old is she?"

"Three," he says. Blaine's breath hitches and his heart aches, but he knows better than to ask why Ryder left them. That's not a question you ask men around here. Blaine doesn't even know the answer to that question. The two men are quiet for a while, watching the stars and half-listening to the howling of their platoon mates.

"Do you…do you ever feel…selfish?" Blaine finally asks in a soft tone. "Not for leaving, I guess, but for asking them to wait for you?" Blaine has to take a breath and swallow the lump in his throat before going on. "I just…he promised that he'll wait, that he wants to wait, and I know he will…but sometimes, I just want to tell him not to. Because it isn't fair. I just told him one day this was something I needed to do, and I couldn't explain why, but he just supported me the whole way. He was upset of course, but…I don't know, he's just…just…amazing. To good for me." Blaine breathes deeply and tries to calm himself. He hasn't talked this much since he arrived here. Ryder is staring at him like they're lost soulmates, or something. He cracks a smile.

"It's like you're in my head right now, man," Ryder says. Blaine grins a little. "I've come so close to telling Abbie to move on, to find someone else…but I never can."

"Because then I'd have nothing," Blaine finishes for him. "Kurt's what gets me through this war…without him, I'd have nothing to fight for. Nothing to live for." Ryder and Blaine close their eyes.

"Do you think we'll get to see them again?" Blaine asks, still able to see the stars behind his closed lids. "The truth." Blaine knows it's stupid, but sometimes he wonders if Kurt can see the same stars he can, even though he knows Kurt can't see stars in New York. Ryder nods without even a thought.

"Yes. We'll make it back. If we were never going to see them again, we'd know it somehow. We'd feel it in our bones."

Blaine doesn't know why, but he's reassured. As long as he can make it back to Kurt, he can get through this. He needs to believe he can survive. If not for himself, than for Kurt.

X

The waiting is almost unbearable. Kurt's heart is pounding painfully in his throat, his legs are jelly, and his thoughts are a helpless mantra of _BlaineBlaineBlaine._ Burt and Carole are anxious beside him; Burt is pacing back and forth in front of the security line. Kurt knows his parents are trying to make up for the fact that Blaine's parents aren't present, but there's no room in Kurt's mind to appreciate the sentiment just yet. Kurt's stomach is flip-flopping so hard he's sure he'll throw up. He hasn't had butterflies in so long—not in nine months, ever since Blaine left. Kurt doesn't know how it's possible to feel so excited and so terrified at the same time.

Kurt wonders fleetingly if Blaine will be different. Will he be hard and serious from his months of war? Kurt doesn't know—but he pushes the thought from his mind, because he knows that his Blaine will be in there somewhere, no matter what.

"How much longer?" Finn demands eagerly from beside Kurt. Rachel's clinging to his arm, and she looks nervous, but happy, at the prospect of seeing Blaine again. Kurt's about to answer, when he feels his cell phone vibrating in his left pocket—his alarm.

It's 12:30 pm.

"Now," Kurt whispers. It's actually kind of funny, because every flight Kurt has ever been on, or has been waiting on, has been delayed. He doesn't know what it is about him that makes planes travel slowly, but that's just the way it has always been. So, he doesn't expect anything, really.

It's like the universe is giving him an apology present. The young, fit-looking men in the starch brown uniforms begin to walk towards them, past security. At any other time, Kurt would've watched with adoration as soldiers ran to their wives, children, and parents as they cried and embraced each other. But Kurt can't look at any of them, even just for a second. Kurt's heart is roaring in his ears and he stands on his tiptoes to see over the top of the mass of soldiers, searching for his Blaine's dark, curly head.

The soldiers keep coming, but the numbers are beginning to dwindle, and Kurt's already near tears. Blaine made it back, he _had _to have made it back, he _promised_—

"KURT!"

Kurt sees him the exact moment Blaine calls out through the airport. Blaine is absolutely _beaming_, waving wildly with abandon because he doesn't care who sees. He's almost the same—his curly hair is a little bit shorter (since he had to have it cut), his muscles are more defined than before, even through his uniform, and his chin and cheeks are scruffy with stubble—but his smile is exactly how Kurt remembers. Kurt wants to kiss, lick, and bite his dimples until they're red from his mouth.

Kurt can't breathe. He knows he's just staring, unable to move, until Blaine's duffle bag hits the floor with a resounding _smack_. Then, Kurt's running faster than he's ever run in his life.

He slams into Blaine with a force that should've sent him stumbling backwards, but Blaine only loses his footing for a moment before he's clinging to Kurt just as desperately. Kurt locks his arms around Blaine's neck, and he doesn't realize he's sobbing until he feels the tears soaking Blaine's uniform. Blaine doesn't seem to mind; he presses kisses all over Kurt's hair and face. Blaine lifts Kurt up, with almost no effort, so that Kurt can wrap his legs around Blaine's waist.

"Bl-ai-ne," Kurt gasps out through his tears. "_Blaine._" Blaine's crying too as he grips Kurt tighter around his hips.

"_Kurt_," Blaine groans back. "Oh, _baby_, God, I _missed _you." Kurt buries his face further into Blaine's scratchy neck, kissing and nuzzling and smelling.

Kurt had promised himself months before that he wasn't going to do this. He was going to keep calm and give Blaine a simple hug. He knew people would stare, that they would give Blaine all kinds of dirty looks, despite what he had sacrificed for them. Blaine already got enough shit from people who were against the war and took it out on him. But, God, he just can't help it. Blaine is home. He's finally _home_.

"Love you," Kurt breathes out shakily.

"I love _you_," Blaine whispers reverently. "God, Kurt, I love you." He wants so bad to really kiss Kurt right then, but he knows they can't in front of all these people. The couple is already getting disgusted, angry looks, even from some of Blaine's platoon. But one soldier shoots Blaine a smile and pats him on the back when he walks by.

"See you in two weeks, Anderson." The soldier's gaze travels to Kurt and his gaze is warm, if not a little amused at Kurt's tear-covered face. "Nice to finally see you, Kurt," the stranger says.

"N-Nice to m-meet you," Kurt squeaks in embarrassment. Blaine chuckles fondly.

"See you, Ryder." Ryder smiles again and then walks away, and Kurt leans back a little in Blaine's tight hold to wipe his eyes.

"So…just how much do you talk about me, Private?" Kurt teases, his voice wobbling. Blaine just shakes his head, the heat of the blush Kurt has missed sliding across his cheeks.

"Oh, hush," Blaine chides, but there's so much affection in the phrase that Kurt feels like he might break down again. Kurt whimpers and clings to Blaine's neck again.

"I love you," Kurt says again. Blaine hums and kisses Kurt's slightly ruffled hair. He doesn't think he'll ever get tired of hearing Kurt say that.

"I love you more," Blaine says firmly. Before Kurt can protest, because Blaine know he will, Blaine lugs his bag over one shoulder and makes his way over to Burt, Carole, and the Hudsons, with Kurt's legs still wrapped tightly around him.

Kurt relaxes into his boyfriend even more; he suddenly doesn't care about anyone around them. He's just so, so unbelievably _happy. _

Blaine finally sets Kurt down, and Kurt reluctantly lets go of his death grip on Blaine's neck so that Blaine can hug his family. Carole and Rachel both hug Blaine tightly, with tears in their eyes, and Carole murmurs a heartfelt "thank you, honey." Burt and Finn hug him next, and the girls have to kiss him, before they finally let him go. Finn claps him on the back with a huge grin on his face.

"Welcome back, man!"

"Thanks, Finn," Blaine says, his eyes watery again and grinning just as hard. God, he had missed them. "Congratulations!" Rachel beams and shows him the beautiful, silver wedding band on her left hand.

Burt looks at Kurt and smiles and at his son's tear-stained face and bright, glassy eyes.

"Are you alright, bud?"

Kurt laughs shakily and wipes the rest of the tears from his face with the heel of his hand. He's twenty-two years old and his dad still calls him bud.

"Yeah." His voice trembles. "Perfect."

X

Blaine doesn't let go of Kurt's hand the whole way back to their apartment—not that Kurt's complaining. They fold into each other in the backseat, trying to be as close as humanly possible. Blaine knows he can never be _too close_ to Kurt. When they'd finally collapsed into the car, they allow themselves to kiss.

_Finally_.

They relish in the fleeting pecks of lips and warm skin until they can get inside. As much as Kurt loves his family, he knows as soon as he _really _kisses Blaine after so long, he'll let his lips take over and he won't be able to _stop. _Blaine knows this, too. So they wait as the Hummel's car zooms across the congested highway.

They all talk for a while, but soon Rachel's asleep on Finn's shoulder (and she was doing most of the talking anyway). Carole keeps glancing through the rearview mirror to watch Kurt and Blaine. The two boys—_men,_ now, she corrects herself—look so happy, and they just stare at each other, whispering sweet things in each other's ears, until Blaine's eyes start to droop. He tries to stay awake, he doesn't want to miss any of his time with Kurt, but Kurt kisses him and smiles, telling him to sleep. Blaine passes out against Kurt's chest until Burt pulls up to their apartment. It's finally _their _apartment again.

"Blaine, baby, wake up." Kurt shakes his boyfriend gently, but Blaine jumps awake like he's been shot, instantly alert. This makes Kurt sad, even though he doesn't say so. Blaine always has to be alert, even in sleep. He's instantly excited when he sees his home, though.

Carole smiles as she watches Blaine's thrilled expression and Kurt's eyes following Blaine's every move. She had planned to take Finn, Rachel, Kurt, and Blaine out to dinner with her and Burt, but now decides that they should go out to dinner tomorrow instead.

"Kurt, honey, we'll see you tomorrow for dinner, okay?" Kurt realizes Carole's letting him and Blaine have the evening to themselves, and beams gratefully at her.

"Okay, thanks Carole. Bye, guys." Kurt and Blaine kiss Carole's cheek and wave at Burt, Finn, and Rachel, who waves sleepily back.

The door slams shut behind Kurt and they are finally _alone_.

Kurt, even though he's been waiting nine fucking months, lets Blaine walk around the apartment, admiring everything that's the same and noticing the little differences. Blaine is in awe: "Kurt, you painted the kitchen! I love the red!" and "Kurt, I like that bookshelf!" Kurt rolls his eyes and smiles adoringly at his still adorably-dorky Blaine. But his Blaine was so _oblivious. _

Kurt finally can't _tak_e it anymore—he half-lurches, half-stubbles forward and grabs Blaine around the waist. Blaine doesn't seem surprised (maybe he wasn't so oblivious), and Kurt stares into his golden eyes for a moment. Then he's crashing their lips together, bruising, frantic, and so, _so good_.

Kurt's sucking Blaine's tongue as hard as he can, Blaine's thrusting his hips against Kurt's, and they're both moaning _so loud_ embarrassingly quickly. Kurt's panting and he presses his body flush against Blaine. He almost forgot how dizzy and horny Blaine's body makes him feel.

"_Oh_, Kurt, _God_—"

"Mmm, Blaine—"

Blaine's tongue and teeth lick and nip at the inside of Kurt's mouth so that he can't speak. Their mouths are pressed so desperately close together, and they don't have the will to pull away and get air, so they take in hasty breaths from the side of their parted lips instead. Kurt starts fucking his tongue inside Blaine's hot mouth, but suddenly he wrenches himself away, half from the need for oxygen and half from guilt.

"I—Blaine—I'm…" God, he can't even _breathe_. Blaine stares at him, his eyes already blown wide and his moist lips parted in ragged drags of air. He looks so _wrecked,_ just from a kiss, and Kurt has to fight hard to restrain himself from attacking Blaine again. "I'm _sorry_. Are you okay? I mean…do you want to talk about...about it?"

Blaine gapes at him incredulously for about three seconds before he bursts into laughter.

"_Kurt_. You think I want to talk about this? Baby, I just want _you._" Blaine shakes his head. "If you didn't get that the first time. Baby, I want you so bad." Kurt's head falls back in a silent moan at Blaine's words.

"Then take me," Kurt begs. "Please take me, Blaine."

Blaine's on him again, kissing everywhere and biting and sucking at Kurt's neck. He practically drags them into the bedroom, throwing around their discarded clothes that Kurt would've scolded him for if not for the circumstances. Blaine throws Kurt down on the bed, his hazel eyes glinting dangerously with want and need. Kurt thinks he might come just from that sight alone.

If Kurt's honest with himself, this wasn't how he'd imagined Blaine's homecoming. He'd imagined slow, loving sex as they re-memorized each other's bodies and whispered "I love you's," because they can't believe they're finally together again. But then again, they've always been together, really.

But Kurt likes this better. He likes the hard, needy way Blaine handles him, he likes the broken moans, and he likes how they fall apart so quickly because they've both gone without this for _so long_. "Likes" is an understatement.

He loves afterwards, when they lie facing each other, because they can't stand to look away for even a second. He loves Blaine's sweat-glistening body and his springing, wild curls. He loves Blaine's mostly-asleep droopy eyes, his lips twitching in a drowsy smile, and his now bruising dimples. He loves _Blaine_.

"I'm never leaving you again," Blaine whispers, his voice husky with sleep and sex. "_Never_. I promise. I love you so much, Kurt."

"I love you, too."

They both know it's an empty promise. Blaine has to go back. But Kurt loves him so much for letting him pretend. As they slip farther into sleep, with Blaine's fingers stroking Kurt's stomach and Kurt's arm thrown haphazardly over Blaine's hip, Kurt pretends that Blaine doesn't have to leave in two weeks. Blaine's always going to be with him, Blaine's staying, and they have all the time in the world.

Kurt loves how they fall asleep with their lips still pressed together.

**So what do you think? There will be more chapters, all focusing on Blaine's homecomings. :) Please review and tell me what you think, and if I should continue this! Thanks for reading!**

**-hopewithfeathers**


	2. Nightmares

**Sorry, everyone, but I've finally updated this one! I'm really excited about what you all think about this chapter, so please give me some feedback. A lot of you said that you like Ryder, so I've brought him back for this chapter, too. :) I try to give you what you want, so just tell me!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own glee or its amazing characters.**

_"Could I stop my hand from shaking?  
>Has there ever been a moment<br>With so much to live for?" _

**-**_As If We Never Said Goodbye by Sunset Boulevard _

Five long, _long_ months later, Kurt is sleeping quite fitfully. It took him a while to get used to sleeping alone, to ignore the cold, unoccupied side of the bed. Because Kurt has always slept on just one side—the right. Sometimes he's freezing, or lonely, or sad, but tonight he's just tired.

He's snoring softly, which is something Kurt only does when he's exhausted and in a deep sleep. He's having a really weird dream, something about Sesame Street, and then suddenly everything's _Blaine_.

Kurt can smell him, even in sleep. There's something masking his natural smell, but it's there all the same. Kurt almost wakes up because he's so shocked—none of his dreams have ever portrayed Blaine's scent so accurately before.

Kurt inhales sharply, desperately, and then he can almost feel Blaine's warm arms around him. Blaine's hugging him tightly around his stomach—he's singing quietly, his curls tickling Kurt's neck, and his breath hot on Kurt's skin.

Kurt lets out a shaky sob the same time that he squirms closer. This dream is so much crueler than any of the others have been, Blaine feels so real and so close, and Kurt just wants to wake up, but at the same time, he never wants to—

"Kurt," dream-Blaine breathes. At his voice, Kurt surrenders completely. In his deep sleep, Kurt snuffles and presses his body closer into dream-Blaine's chest. It has been so long since he's been held. He just wants Blaine to say his name forever.

"Kurt."

This time, Kurt awakens slightly, with a twitch and a drowsy 'hmph.' He blinks blearily in the darkness for a moment before his sleepy eyes slip closed again. He must still be dreaming, because the arms around him are as solid as ever. Kurt shifts even closer and mumbles something in contentment as nimble fingers trace slowly up his naked hip to his cheek.

Dream-Blaine chuckles—it's enough to completely snap Kurt out of sleep. He's definitely _not _sleeping anymore. The fingers on his skin, Blaine's arms around him, and Blaine's voice are all startlingly, achingly real.

Kurt tenses, and his heart is pounding intensely and too fast against his ribcage. He's gone completely insane, it's official. He's so crazy that he's imagining his boyfriend in his apartment, a boyfriend who won't be home for another three months, and imagining his strong arms and his beautiful voice—

Blaine feels Kurt's rapid heartbeat under his fingertips and feels his body go rigid. He instinctively pulls him closer and begins to rub his stomach soothingly. Blaine kisses the back of Kurt's neck and then the dimple in his shoulder. He feels Kurt shiver.

"Kurt, baby, it's okay. It's me. I'm sorry I woke you up, sweetheart."

Tears spring into Kurt's eyes, but he relaxes immediately. Blaine's voice is rough and lower than normal, but it's full of relief and love that Kurt could never imagine on his own. Somehow, Blaine's _home_. Kurt's body has obviously not caught up with his brain, because it refuses to move. It seems all his body wants to do is sink back into the mattress and fall back to sleep.

Kurt yawns and hums contently, low in his throat, so that at least Blaine knows he's awake. Slowly, moaning a little, Kurt flips over on his other side to face Blaine. The gorgeous honey-hazel eyes that Kurt loves are wide and bright as ever, and Blaine's lips are turned up in a gentle, happy smile.

Kurt smiles dreamily back with heavy eyes. Blaine's palm cups his face, and Kurt nuzzles into his touch. Blaine laughs quietly again.

"I expected more excitement," Blaine teases lightly. "I know you've always been a heavy sleeper, but come on, babe." Kurt's lips twitch up again in a half-smile, but he just wrinkles his nose and yawns in response. Blaine ruffles his hair and Kurt sighs in delight.

"Missed you," Kurt mumbles, closing his eyes again. Blaine's breath hitches as he hears Kurt's voice for the first time since he's gotten home. It was hazy and ragged from sleep, but so, _so _beautiful.

"I missed you too, baby. I missed you so much." Kurt snuggles closer into Blaine's chest and tangles his fingers in the waistband of Blaine's sweatpants. Blaine's almost asleep himself when he leans down to kiss Kurt tenderly on the lips.

The kiss is like an electric shock for Kurt—his head snaps up, his eyes open wide, and he's suddenly so, _so _awake. Blaine reels back a little in surprise.

"_Blaine_," Kurt says. It's a teary whisper, like he's pleading with Blaine not to disappear. Blaine seems to realize that this is Kurt's late reaction, because he smiles widely, laughter in his eyes.

"Hi, honey."

Kurt _throws_ himself into his boyfriend's arms as much as he can while they're lying down. He clutches his arms around Blaine's neck, straddles his waist, and gives Blaine a long, excited kiss right on his startled mouth.

"Blaine—" Kurt kisses his cheek. "You're home!" His nose, his ear, his eyelid. "How—" His chin, his neck, his bare chest. "How are you _home_? Oh my God, I don't even care—" His lips again. "I just love you, Oh _Blaine_, I love you!"

Blaine swipes a tear off Kurt's rosy cheek, but he can't help but laugh.

"Shh, Kurt," he grins. "You'll wake the neighbors. And you know how Mrs. Greisen is when she doesn't get her sleep." Kurt rolls his eyes, but then he smiles, because Blaine's hurrying to wipe his own tears off his face. Kurt leans down and kisses them away.

They're quiet for a moment, with Kurt still perched on Blaine's hips and gazing seriously into each other's eyes. Kurt tilts his head so that a sliver of moonlight from outside illuminates his face, and Blaine gasps shakily.

Blaine's on the brink of tears again, and Kurt is shushing him gently, trying to soothe him. Kurt gives him another kiss, but this one lasts longer, because Blaine sucks Kurt's bottom lip into his mouth and nips and tongues at it until they're both panting.

"I-I always think I'll be prepared to see you," Blaine says in a trembling voice. "I stare at your picture the whole way back, but still…I…it doesn't compare to being with you."

Kurt whimpers, loud in the now quiet room, and slides down so that he's lying across Blaine's chest. Blaine sighs in relief at his closeness, and his fingers fly to Kurt's head to comb through his wild hair.

"What picture?" Kurt murmurs into Blaine's skin, kissing Blaine's nipple and making him groan softly.

"Hmm?"

"What picture do you look at? I didn't know…I didn't know you carried around a picture of me." Blaine gives a little 'hmph!' from under him.

"Of course I do," Blaine says obviously. His tone reminds Kurt of when Blaine said "of course" he knew his coffee order all those years ago. Kurt rubs his nose affectionately against Blaine's collarbone.

"Which one is it?" Kurt lifts his head up curiously to see Blaine's beaming face.

"That one that you hate, but I absolutely _love_."

Kurt has to think for a moment before it comes to him. He swats Blaine's arm (not too hard because, _God_, he can't be mad at him now) and moans.

"Not the one where I am on the couch! When I was _sleeping_! God, Blaine, that one is so ugly!"

"No, it isn't," Blaine says firmly and seriously. "I love it. And you could never be ugly, Kurt. Never." Kurt scowls and buries his face in Blaine's neck, so that Blaine can't see the smile forming on his face. He takes a moment to just smell.

"You smell so good," Kurt says, almost unconsciously. Blaine's laughs like he's making a joke.

"Kurt, I haven't even showered yet." Blaine ducks his head sheepishly. "I was going to when I got home, but…I just, I saw you, and I couldn't…I just wanted to be with you."

Kurt blinks back more tears and smiles when Blaine meets his eyes.

"You smell like Blaine," he says. "You know, underneath all the dirt and stuff." Blaine frowns and blushes a little. He closes his eyes as if to go to sleep, but Kurt's wide-awake now and he has other plans.

Kurt reaches out with shaking fingers to caress Blaine's cheek. Blaine opens his eyes to watch as Kurt's finger passes over the bridge of his nose, his eyelids, his still ridiculous eyebrows, and finally his now parted lips. Both men's breathing comes a little quicker, and Blaine eyes Kurt's finger like he wants to suck on it.

"I love you," Kurt whispers. "I love you so much, Blaine." He's scared suddenly, because Blaine hasn't said it yet, and he didn't say it back the first time Kurt did, and Oh God, what if everything's different now, and what if Blaine no longer feels it? Even as Kurt shakes in Blaine's arms and his eyes fill, he knows he's being completely ridiculous. His fears are quelled in the next second when Blaine speaks.

"Shh," Blaine soothes, rubbing up and down Kurt's arms. "I love you more than anything, Kurt. I love you so much…" Blaine swallows. "So much more than I thought it was possible to love anyone."

Kurt sniffs, this time from emotion, and cuddles into Blaine again. Blaine mistakes his I-want-to-be-close-to-you for exhaustion.

"I'm sorry it's so late," Blaine says guiltily. Kurt smiles and rolls his eyes, because it's so _Blaine. _He lifts his head up to glance at the clock—four forty-eight in the morning. Kurt scoffs playfully before beaming back at Blaine.

Blaine sucks in a breath at Kurt's radiant smile—he is in awe.

"Don't apologize. This was the best surprise _ever_."

Blaine watches Kurt's lips, and he suddenly darts his mouth forward eagerly to meet Kurt's. Kurt moans excitedly at the contact, and Blaine lets out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. Kurt's happy to see him, Kurt still loves him, Kurt will always be here, and everything's okay.

()()()

_One month earlier:_

Ryder is lying on his back in their little tent, staring at the ceiling. He's not really thinking about anything in particular, but remembering a meal he shared with Abbie and Sable the last time he was home. He knew thinking about them made it worse, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't think about anything else.

Blaine had fallen asleep hours ago. Ryder had quickly learned that Blaine was a restless sleeper; he always mumbled and twitched in his sleep. Tonight, for some reason, is particularly bad. Blaine rolls over every few minutes and makes distressed whining sounds. Ryder doesn't want to wake him if he doesn't have

to—they get so little sleep as it is.

But when Blaine starts to sound like he's in pain and starts thrashing around on his mattress, Ryder hauls himself to his feet and kneels down next to Blaine's cot.

"Blaine, wake up," Ryder says kindly. "You're having a nightmare."

Ryder has always wanted to watch out for Blaine; to protect him. He knows he's only a few years older, but there's just something about Blaine that he feels needs to be protected. Maybe it's the fact that not everyone in the platoon is always accepting or kind to him, at least the ones that know Blaine is gay. Ryder has never been squeamish about that, and he'd sort of taken Blaine under his wing in the past few months.

"Blaine," he says more firmly when Blaine just continues to cry and roll around. "Blaine, wake up, it's okay."

Blaine mumbles a pleaded "Kurt" and suddenly jerks up in bed. He's breathing hard and fast, and Ryder can see the tear-tracks on his cheeks, even in the dark.

"Blaine?"

Blaine jumps in surprise, whipping his head around to look at Ryder. For a second he wants to fling himself into his friend's arms, just to seek some comfort, but he holds himself back. He ducks his head instead, embarrassed.

"I-I'm sorry," he sighs. "I didn't mean to wake you up." His voice sounds scared and shaky, even to his own ears.

"I wasn't sleeping," Ryder assures him. "Are you…are you alright?"

"M'fine."

"Blaine."

"I will be. This happens sometimes, it's no big deal." Ryder bits his lip.

"It is a big deal," he says. "It sucks. It's nothing to be embarrassed about, it's expected that we all have nightmares sometimes."

"I know," Blaine says hesitantly after a moment.

"Do you…can I do anything?"

Blaine thinks wistfully of Kurt and his glasses of warm milk.

"Just…um, a hug would be nice," Blaine says bashfully. His blush spreads through his cheeks to the tips of his ears. He's a touchy-feely person, especially when he's scared.

Ryder laughs slightly and leans closer to wrap his arms around Blaine. Blaine relaxes at the warm embrace, but he doesn't let himself linger for too long.

"Better?"

"Yeah, thanks."

"You want to talk about it?" Blaine cringes.

"No. I'd rather not."

"Okay."

Ryder stands up after a moment, wincing at the pain in his legs. He walks back to his cot as quietly as possible, so as not to wake Thomas or Seth. Though they both sleep like rocks, so there's really no need. He lies down again, fixing his gaze back to the top of the tent.

"Hey, Blaine," he says after a while.

"Uh-huh?"

"I have nightmares, too," he says softly. "They never make sense, because for some reason Abbie and Sable are always _her_e and…well, I guess my worst fear isn't about me. I just…I can't stand the thought of them getting hurt. I know it's impossible, at least this way."

Blaine sucks in a shaky breath.

"Mine too," he says. "I can never get to him in time, because I'm bleeding and I feel so lightheaded." Blaine hesitates. "You're in mine sometimes, too." A blush. "I mean, just because you're, like, my only friend here, and I don't…I don't want you to get hurt, either."

The two men are quiet for a while.

"Blaine?"

Blaine takes a few seconds to answer, and he sounds close to sleep again when he does.

"Mm-hmm?"

"You know you don't have to be…nervous around me, or whatever," Ryder says, smiling. "I'm not like most of those other guys, okay? You don't have to hide who you are from me. You're my friend, and I like you." Ryder rolls his eyes. "And jeez, I'm not going to freak out and think you have a crush on me if you say I'm your friend, okay?"

Ryder rolls his eyes again, because he feels sick that there are actually people out there who _would_ think that.

"Okay." Ryder can tell Blaine's smiling by his voice. Blaine yawns hugely.

"The world's fucked up," Ryder scowls.

"I know," Blaine mumbles back. Ryder doesn't talk again, and he's comforted by Blaine's quiet snores that fill the tent.

()()()

_Back to present:_

_Blaine is suffocating. He's running as fast as he can, but he's slowing down for some reason, and he still can't breathe. He's gasping as he collapses in the grass. Suddenly, there's a deep gunshot wound in his leg that _gushing _blood and soaking his uniform. Blaine just wants to close his eyes, because the loss of blood is making him so sleepy…_

"_Blaine!"_

_Blaine lurches to his feet with a start when he remembers why he was running in the first place. Kurt's in trouble, he's in danger, and Blaine must reach him._

_Blaine runs towards his boyfriend's voice, but he can't move his legs very well. He feels like he's being dragged to the ground._

"_Blaine…" A different voice says, small and soft. It's coming from the ground. Blaine glances down while still moving, because he can't focus on anything but Kurt now. But then he sees Ryder lying, bleeding, on the ground. He jerks to a stop._

"_Jake, what happened?" Blaine questions in horror. He falls to his knees beside his friend._

"_Got shot," Jake shrugs. "I'm not asking you to help me, because it's already too late. But can you tell Abbie and Sable what happened to me? Tell them I love them."  
><em>

"_Jake…" Blaine opens and closes his mouth, speechless. His only friend is going to be gone in a matter of minutes. But that is nothing compared to the loss his family will face. "Jake, don't die," Blaine pleads. "Come on, fight a little longer until I can find help for you. Please."_

_Ryder shakes his head._

"_I'm already dead, Blaine," he whispers. "Just please tell them for me. Okay?"_

"_Okay," Blaine gasps, the tears soaking his cheeks. "Jake, don't. Don't—"_

"_You need to help Kurt," Jake reminds him urgently. "Go."_

_Kurt calls Blaine's name again, high-pitched and scared. Blaine's legs shake as he stands, but he takes Ryder's hand and squeezes it first._

"_I'll miss you," Blaine says. Ryder smiles._

"_You, too. But don't worry about me."_

_Blaine forces his legs to move without looking back, even though the tears blur his vision. Kurt's in trouble, and Blaine has to find him. Blaine _needs_ to find him._

"_Blaine…Blaine…Blaine…" _

"_I'm coming, Kurt!" Blaine yells, practically sobbing. He can't find Kurt anywhere, his leg hurts, his head hurts…_

"_Blaine, honey…Blaine, shhh, it's okay. Blaine, wake up."_

Blaine jerks awake at the exact moment he realizes he's dreaming. He's so relieved he could cry. He opens his eyes to find Kurt hovering over him with a concerned, nervous expression.

"Are you okay, honey?" he whispers. He reaches out to wipe the few tears off Blaine's face. "You were sobbing in your sleep…and…just, are you okay?"

Blaine nods shakily and wraps his legs around Kurt's waist so he can pull him down into his arms.

"I'm okay," Blaine says, his voice breaking. "I'm okay. You're here, it's okay." Blaine seems to be trying to assure himself as the tears clog his eyes again. Kurt seems tense in his arms, but before Blaine can question why, he's relaxing at Blaine's tearful tone.

"Oh, baby," Kurt breathes, meeting his eyes. "It's okay. It was just a nightmare, it's okay. I'm here, I've got you." Blaine clings to him, taking a deep breath and trying to steady his heartbeat. Kurt feels Blaine's pounding heart against his chest, running his fingers through Blaine's curls to soothe him. "Shh, you're okay."

Blaine seems to calm down a little after Kurt rubs his back and holds him for about ten minutes. He sags into his boyfriend, breathing hotly against his neck.

"I was so scared," Blaine moans. He's never talked about his dreams with anyone before, at least with details, but he feels like he should tell Kurt. "Oh, Kurt…you were in trouble, you were in danger, and I couldn't get to you…I can never reach you in time."

Kurt brushes his hair back from his face.

"You…you have nightmares about me?" he whispers, heartbroken that his boyfriend had to go through that. "Oh, Blaine….that's…that's awful. I'm so sorry. But I'm okay. I'm not hurt."

"But you're here this time, so it's not so bad," Blaine says, trembling. "I can hold you and feel that you're okay."

Kurt tenses again.

"You have these often?"

"…Yeah," Blaine admits. "It's normal for soldiers to have them." Kurt wiggles out of Blaine's arms and collapses on the other side of the bed. Blaine tries to grab for Kurt as he rolls away, whining softly in protest.

"Kurt, no, come back, please…" Blaine can feel himself start to hyperventilate as Kurt turns away from him.

"Calm down, honey," Kurt says. His voice is as soft and gentle as ever, but there's a strain to it, a tremble of hurt that shocks Blaine. "Just…give me a minute."

"Kurt?"

Kurt ignores him. Blaine's about to go crazy after about two minutes. He needs to touch Kurt, he needs to feel—

"Who's Jake?" Kurt murmurs. Kurt had woken up to Blaine crying out Kurt's name in his sleep, but he mumbled the name "Jake" a few times, too. Blaine freezes, confused.

"What?"

"Who's _Jake_?" Kurt says more firmly. Kurt sounds like he's crying, and Blaine can see Kurt's shoulders shaking against the mattress. Blaine frowns and crawls closer, wrapping an arm around Kurt's waist.

"Kurt, it's okay, he's not—"

"Don't," Kurt gasps out, flinching away from Blaine's arm. "_Who is he_?"

"Kurt, baby, calm down, he's just this guy—"

A sob rips its way from Kurt's throat at Blaine's words. Is Blaine saying he's just a guy? He doesn't care about him, he just fools around with him because Kurt can't give him what he needs from New York?

"_Kurt_," Blaine whispers, horrified. "Kurt, I would _neve_r do that. I would never cheat on you, God, _never. _Jake's just…" Blaine mind suddenly catches up with him. "Oh! Kurt, Jake's that guy you met at the airport when you picked me up. The one who talked to us?"

Kurt hastily wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. He takes a deep, shaky breath.

"You dreamed about him?"

"Uh, yeah, I do sometimes," Blaine says. Kurt tenses again. "But Kurt, it's 'cause he's my only friend there, really. No one else really talks to me, but he does. I just get scared he'll get killed sometimes, because he's all I really have over there. "

Kurt stays quiet, and Blaine wonders if he's fallen asleep.

"Kurt, he's married," Blaine says gently. "He's straight, and married, and he has a three-year-old daughter. And even if he wasn't, I can't even _look _at anyone else. Kurt, I love you so much."

Kurt sniffs, embarrassed at his reaction. Blaine wraps his arm around Kurt again, and Kurt lets him this time. Blaine places kisses on Kurt's head and the back of his neck.

"Sorry," Kurt mumbles, squeezing his eyes shut. "I just… I'm so _scared _sometimes. I know while you're on duty you must be…frustrated. And I'm just worried you'll find another guy who can…you know, meet your needs."

"No, baby," Blaine says fiercely. "I would never…no. I love you, and no other guy could ever make me happy." Kurt turns his head to look at Blaine, and Blaine gazes intensely into his eyes. "I'm the same guy, Kurt."

Blaine sounds tortured now, because he realizes Kurt hasn't really known him since he's been gone. "Kurt, I'm going to marry you. I'm never going to leave you. I could never leave you." Blaine hesitates. "I understand if _you_ were to find someone else though, I know I haven't been here for you, and you're lonely—"

Blaine stops when Kurt shakes his head violently. He kisses Blaine on the lips and wraps his fingers around Blaine's head.

"I'm sorry," he chokes out. Blaine's heart flips, because for a second he thinks Kurt might be apologizing for finding someone else— "But Blaine, I could never find anyone else. You're all I think about. Well, you and work." Kurt cracks a smile. "I want to marry you, too. I want to be with you forever. I'm sorry…I'm sorry I thought you didn't."

Blaine smiles in relief and shakes his head. He kisses Kurt more deeply, sliding his tongue past Kurt's lips and tracing the roof of his mouth. Kurt whimpers into Blaine's mouth and touches his tongue to his.

"I love you, too," Kurt sighs when they pull away. "I'm sorry, I just… I just really miss you."

Blaine smiles sadly. Kurt shouldn't have to wait for him.

"I miss you, too. I miss you so bad it hurts." Just as Blaine's about to repeat what happened earlier that night by sucking hard on Kurt's neck, he can feel his eyes start to droop. Kurt notices when he pulls back and his mouth quirks up in a smile.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Kurt asks. "Do you want some warm milk, or hot chocolate? I'll make you some."

Blaine closes his eyes, smiling, and presses his body into Kurt.

"No, M'fine," he slurs. "Just having you here is enough. So good."

Kurt laughs softly and pulls Blaine closer. He kisses his boyfriend's wild curls and rubs Blaine's head in the way he knows the younger man loves. Blaine hums in contentment.

"I love you, Blaine. And I'm right here if you need me."

"I know," Blaine mumbles. "Love you."

Kurt holds Blaine tight as he gets heavier and heavier against his chest. The guilt of not trusting Blaine claws at his belly, and a few tears slip down his face, but he tries to push all his uncertainty away. It's normal to be scared, right? Blaine's gone for most of the year, it's natural for Kurt to worry.

Blaine is right about one thing. Kurt _is _lonely. But Kurt is trying not to be selfish. He can't ask Blaine to stay, and even if he did, he knows there's no way Blaine can. He's bound to the country now.

Okay, so Kurt is a little bit selfish. He doesn't want the country to have Blaine. _He _wants Blaine. The sobs shake Kurt's body, but he tries to remain still so as not to wake Blaine. Blaine just shifts and mumbles a little in his sleep and continues snoring.

Kurt wipes at his eyes. He knows someday Blaine will be all his, but it seems so far away most of the time. He hates sharing Blaine, especially when Blaine can't even be with him.

Blaine sighs and mutters Kurt's name in his sleep. It's not the desperate tone from before, but now it's soft and happy. Kurt smiles tearfully and clutches Blaine closer.

He loves Blaine, and Blaine loves him. Nothing else should matter. He tries not to let anything else matter.

**So, what do you guys think? I update faster when you encourage me, so please give me some feedback!**

**-PP**


	3. Cherry Pie

**Ooh, I actually really, really like this one! :) I hope you guys do, too! Sorry it took so long to update, but I already have the idea for the next chapter, so don't worry. Thanks so much for all the kind words so far, and please keep it up! I love hearing feedback!**

**Also, I picture the "Love Theme" from glee at the important part of this chapter ;) It's "Looking Back" by Kerry Muzzey, and I highly suggest you look it up and listen to it at that part, because it's amazing. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of its characters :(**

**Enjoy!**

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_Probably I just needed to breathe slowly_

_taking back every beat inside of me_

_and nothing makes sense now that you're gone_

_now, where are you? why can't I get used yet?_

_it's already December, you're not here_

_and I will wait for you until the end_

-Laura Paulsini _"En Cambio No"_

Kurt's buried to his elbows in flour and dough when Rachel calls. He knows it's her, he just does, like by now he has radar for his best friend. He's not even half finished with his cherry piecrust, and he knows that's what Rachel's asking about. Kurt has been regretting his decision more and more since he had agreed to come to Rachel's New Year's Eve party.

It's not like he had any plans anyway, but maybe he just wanted to skip out this year. He isn't going to go to Time's Square, that would be stupid when he has no one to go with, but he wasn't really in the mood for a party. Still, this was Rachel, and he knew she wouldn't stop pestering him until he promised to come. He had just gotten his "yes" out of the way quickly.

Burt and Carole are flying into New York this afternoon, which Kurt thinks is weird, since he and Finn had already flown back to Lima for Christmas. Kurt had left after only a couple days, because he had to get back to work. He knew his dad and Carole understood, and they had never insisted on spending New Year's together before. So, his parents are coming, yet another reason he had given in to Rachel's party. Some of their old classmates are coming as well, and Kurt doesn't want to miss that.

Then, of course, he had offered to make desert. It's not that he minds baking, but now he has even less time to work, and he's three-times more stressed out than usual. He debates on letting Rachel go to voice mail, but he knows she'll just keep calling. He sighs, dusts off his powdery hands onto his apron, and picks up the phone to cradle it between his shoulder and his chin.

"Hey, Rach."

"Hi, Kurt! How's the baking going?"

"Almost done," Kurt lies smoothly. It _will_ be done in time for tonight, anyway, so there's no need to worry her.

"Good!" Rachel beams. "Because there's been a change of plans." Kurt stops mid-dough-squeeze.

"…What?"

"Would you be able to come over earlier?" Rachel's voice is pleading, the one where she _knows_ Kurt wants to say no, but is begging him to reconsider for her. "I just need some help with decorations, and I know how good of an eye you have for that sort of thing." Kurt closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose.

"I…I guess I can come help," he says lamely, because he can't think up a good reason why he can't. "What time do you want me over there?"

"Six is fine," Rachel says. Kurt sighs in relief, because that is the earliest he can be there and still have time to finish his pie. "Burt and Carole are already here." Rachel laughs. "I think Finn is relieved. He thought he was going to have to watch Sophie all by himself."

Kurt's eyes soften at the mention of his goddaughter.

"How is little Sophie?" 

"She's good. She's drinking from a bottle now, and I think she's going to crawl soon," Rachel gushes. "She can almost sit up by herself, too!"

"She's so smart," Kurt grins. "A genius. Tell her I say hi, okay? I'll see you at six."

"Okay! She misses you," Rachel adds. "So hurry!" Kurt rolls his eyes.

"I will. Bye, Rach."

Kurt works as fast as he can, while still making sure that his pie is as perfect as he can make it. He folds the crust just right, and evens out the crisscross design at the top. Not to pat himself on the back or anything, but it's a pretty amazing pie. It's pretty stupid of him to be making a cherry pie, though. He knows that cherry pie will surface all kinds of sad, lonely feelings again, like it's already doing. But it just has to be cherry, for some reason. Cherry is Blaine's favorite.

Kurt's beaming, feeling really proud of himself, by the time he knocks on Rachel and Finn's door. It's his dad who answers though, complete with a bundle of giggling baby in his arms.

"Hi, Kurt!" Kurt steps into the house to give his dad a one-armed hug, his other hand clutched protectively around the pie. He kisses Sophie's baby-down head.

"Hi, Dad. Hi, Soph."

Kurt steps closer to the baby and rubs a hand over her soft head. She's already clutching at Kurt's cashmere sweater, cooing and blubbering the way babies do. Kurt smiles. He's never really thought of himself as a child lover, but Sophie is different. She's his family. She has a head of dark hair already, like both Rachel's and Finn's, and her eyes are a deep hazel, swimming with clear flecks of green. Finn has hazel eyes, but they never looked like this to Kurt—so much like Blaine's. Kurt aches and loves every time he looks into Sophie's eyes.

"Hi, baby girl," he greets her again. Burt puts an arm around Kurt's shoulders and leads him in the kitchen.

Rachel's kitchen is fabulously, yet ridiculously, decorated. It's just like her—a loud, dramatic red coats the walls, and the room is so many things at once, all wood, stone, and granite. Rachel shrieks when she sees Kurt, like she hasn't seen him in months, and throws herself into his arms.

"Careful, Rach!" Kurt exclaims, managing to keep his grip on the pie, thank God.

"Sorry," she says breathlessly. "I just missed you." Kurt can't help but smile fondly and roll his eyes.

"I saw you last weekend, Rachel. Just because we used to live together…" 

"Yeah, yeah," Rachel sighs, swinging at him with the ladle in her left hand. "You're such a jerk, Kurt." Kurt raises his eyebrows, but Rachel's smiling, and they both laugh. Kurt sets the pie on the island, and Rachel hugs him again.

"Thank you," she says. "For making dessert. I have some brownies, too, but I think pie will be better. More formal, anyway. What is it?"

"Cherry," Kurt murmurs.

Rachel bits her lip and frowns at him, though it's not as sad as usual. She always tells Kurt off for doing things like this to himself, things that remind him of Blaine. She tells him that yes, of course it's good to miss him, but you shouldn't make yourself sad. Thankfully, Carole and Finn choose that moment to troop in from the living room.

Kurt gives Carole a quick kiss on the cheek and hugs Finn tightly around the waist. Kurt actually feels happy for the first time in a while—the family is together, well, mostly, and everyone's smiling and laughing at something Finn said. Kurt takes Sophie from Burt's arms and holds her to his chest.

"She really did miss you though," Rachel says, as Kurt leans against the counter to watch Rachel finish the sauce and bounce Sophie a little. "I can tell." Rachel leans closer, a teasing glint in her eyes. "I think she loves you more than she loves her dad."

Finn caught the comment and scowled playfully in their direction.

"That's a lie! Soph loves me!"

"At least she doesn't cry every time you try to hold her," Carole grumbles. "I can't even hold my own granddaughter." Kurt laughs.

"She just loves men, mom," he says, looking down at Sophie. "Well, men and Rachel." Rachel makes a face at him.

"I'm her mother! Of course she loves me."

Sophie giggles and raises her hands to pat at Kurt's cheek. He smiles adoringly back at her. One thing he knows for sure is that little Sophie is going to have men wrapped around her finger. Kurt smirks, thinking of Finn and how protective he'll be. Kurt thinks he'll turn out a lot like Burt, actually.

"So, Rachel, what decorations did you want put up?"

"Oh," Rachel says, not turning away from the pot of sauce. "I decided against them. Decorations are tacky, anyway. It's just us and the wonderful dining table I already set up." Kurt blinks at her matter-of-fact tone.

"…Okay. Who else is coming?" Rachel beams, obviously delighted.

"Oh! Mercedes is coming! I told you I thought she couldn't get away from work, but she can come now. And Tina and Mike are coming by too, did you know they have _twins_?"

Kurt grins. It will be nice to see Mercedes after so long. They've kept in touch of course, but haven't really managed to find time to see each other.

"Twins, really?"

"Yes! And San and Brittany are coming, obviously, and Quinn, too! I think even Noah said he could stop by for a while."

"Wow," Kurt says, suddenly a little nervous. He hasn't seen most of his friends in a year or more, besides Santana and Brittany, who live only a few blocks down from his apartment. It will be so weird seeing all of them again, but yet, at the same time, it feels so normal.

About an hour later, when Rachel has the sauce done and the chicken is sitting, warm, in the oven, people start arriving. Mercedes flies at Kurt first with a gasp and a shaky: "Oh, boo, I miss you, I'm sorry," before Kurt shushes her and kisses her cheek. Tina and Mike both hug him hard, and Quinn hugs him too, a shy smile on her face. Kurt's missed her more than he thought he would, and he smiles happily back.

Puck and Finn have to have a "bro reunion" of course, slapping each other's backs and grinning, and Kurt thinks _God, why can't they just hug like normal people?_ Quinn looks happier than Kurt ever remembers seeing her, standing with Santana and Brittany. Everyone's smiling and talking, and everything actually seems almost complete.

Everyone fawns over Sophie—she really is the cutest little girl Kurt can ever remember seeing. Well, he may be slightly biased, but still. Everyone wants to hold and cuddle her, and Kurt beams with pride like Sophie's his child. Everyone is gathered in the living room catching up, when there's a knock on the door. Rachel jumps up off the couch with a squeal.

"I'll get it!" she says. She brushes past Kurt with a little squeeze to his hand, and Kurt looks after her with confusion. Everyone goes quiet suddenly, listening. Kurt freezes, because he feels like something isn't right. He can't hear the other person's voice, but Rachel's jabbering loudly, sounding almost hysterical. Kurt catches Burt's eye from across the room, and relaxes. His dad's smiling brightly talking with Carole and Finn, so maybe nothing's wrong.

All of his friends and family suddenly turn to look at him. Kurt glares at all of them. Why does he feel like everyone knows something he doesn't? Seriously, it's starting to get really creepy—

"Hi, baby."

His voice is soft and breathy, filled with love—like he's been waiting forever to say it. Kurt's never heard so much love in two words before.

Kurt whips his head to the living room entrance, because, _oh_—and is met with the beautiful sight of his beaming, watery-eyed boyfriend. He suddenly realizes this was all planned, everyone knew, everyone's smiling at him, and _that's why mom and dad are here. _Kurt feels his eyes fill with tears until Blaine's all blurry, and he just knows he's going to _loose it_ in front of _everyone_. He wants to run at Blaine, throw his arms around him and never let go, but he's _so shocked_, he can't even breathe—

"_B-Blaine!_" He bursts into tears.

Several of his friends gasp, but all Kurt hears is Blaine's little "_Oh!_" and the next second he's in the arms he has wanted to be in for _so long_. He clutches at Blaine's hair, neck, arms, while Blaine clamps his own hands around Kurt's head, cradling it. Blaine pulls back after a moment to cup Kurt's face in his palms; his hands are so _warm_—and Kurt's reaching out with trembling fingers to grasp his hands and keep them there. Just in case Blaine's gets any ideas about moving them. Kurt hears several of his friends say "_aww,_" in choked up voices.

Kurt knows a few of his friends are worried, but Blaine's not. Blaine knows, Blaine's dealt with this before, and he knows exactly how to handle it. He kisses Kurt suddenly, deeply and too long for company, slipping his tongue through Kurt's lips, and _wow, _Kurt almost forgot what Blaine's wonderful, talented tongue felt like. Blaine pulls away with a wet _pop_ when someone clears his throat (probably Burt) to stare at Kurt.

"_Kurt_," he whispers. He presses closed-mouth kisses all over Kurt's face and lips, punctuated by the little "mwah!" after each peck. Blaine's exaggerating it just slightly, and Kurt can't help but laugh though his tears.

"_Oh_, I missed you," he whimpers, his voice thick. "So much." Blaine wipes a few of Kurt's tears away with his thumbs, and Kurt winds his arms around Blaine's neck, hiccupping into his shoulder. "You have _got_ to stop doing this to me," Kurt says shakily. "I can't take it." Blaine hums soothingly and rubs Kurt's back. He presses a soft, slow kiss to Kurt's temple.

"Sorry," he says sheepishly. "But I didn't know I could come back so soon until about a week ago…I just wanted to surprise you."

"And of course we wanted to go along with it," Rachel grins. "It's just so romantic." Kurt rolls his eyes at her, but he's smiling.

"I love you, Blaine."

"I love you, too, Kurt," Blaine says fervently. "I love you so much. You have no idea how much I missed you." Kurt sniffs hard, tugging absentmindedly on the sleeve of Blaine's button-down. He must have gone home to change before coming over—the thought that Blaine had already been home sends Kurt's stomach flip-flopping.

"I think I do," Kurt says. Mercedes squeals a little at his side, and Kurt jumps a little. He had sort of tuned everyone else out. Kurt reaches up to stoke Blaine's curls, and he doesn't move away, even though he realizes they might be making everyone uncomfortable. He doesn't care, he has the right to crowd his boyfriend's space at a time like this.

"I should probably greet everyone else. I don't want to be rude," Blaine murmurs. He doesn't look away from Kurt while he says this, and he finally wrenches his gaze away when Carole puts a loving hand on his arm. Blaine beams and turns to wrap her in his arms, kissing her cheek.

"How was the trip back, honey?" she asks, teary eyed.

"Oh fine," Blaine assures her, smiling at Burt when he claps a hand on his shoulder with an "alright, kiddo?" Carole and Burt set the stage, because then everyone's around Blaine, hugs and kisses and tears everywhere. Finn hugs him tight, lifting him up and spinning him around, and Rachel gives him an enthusiastic one-armed hug and a wet kiss, since she still holding Sophie. Quinn and Santana are practically sobbing when they throw their arms around him, and Brittany just takes his hand in hers and refuses to let go. Tina kisses his cheek, and Puck and Mike both hug him, while Mike ruffles his hair.

Blaine's beaming, and through all the attention, Kurt can see his gaze traveling to Sophie every few seconds. He had told Blaine about his goddaughter in almost every letter he sent to him, mapping out her life and making sure Blaine knew how beautiful she was. He'd sent him a picture too, but that had been months ago, and he knew it was nothing compared to really seeing her.

Once everyone had gotten their fair share of Blaine, he moved closer to Rachel and Sophie, his eyes flashing to Kurt as he did. Kurt stepped up next to him, taking his hand and twining their fingers together in a tight knot.

"So, this must be Sophie," Blaine says. "Rachel, Finn, she's so beautiful." Rachel beams at him, even harder than when someone compliments her on her singing voice.

"Thank you, Blaine. I know she is. Do you want to hold her?" Blaine hesitates, even though his eyes are shining with awed tears as he looks at the baby.

"Uh, I don't want to scare her," he says. "What if she doesn't like me?"

"She'll like you," Kurt assures him. "She likes men."

"She likes _Hummel _men," Blaine mutters, but he holds his hands out for Sophie anyway. Kurt lets go of his hand.

"Well, you might as well be one already," Kurt says brightly, and Burt chuckles from a few feet away. Blaine's eyes crinkle at the corners with the force of his smile. He cradles Sophie carefully to his chest, looking the right amount of scared for his first time holding a tiny baby.

"Hi, Sophie," Blaine says, almost shyly. Kurt's heart aches with how much he loves Blaine right then. At every moment. "I'm Blaine."

"That's your uncle," Kurt pipes up, peering down into Sophie's curious face. "He's _amazing_, Sophie. And he loves you, just like I do. I love him so much, so it's important for you to love him too, okay?" Sophie looks up at Kurt, like she's actually listening to what he's saying. Blaine laughs a little, bumping his shoulder with Kurt's. Sophie smiles immediately at the sound of Blaine's laugh, giggling and reaching her hands up to his face. Blaine dips his head down, and Sophie pats his cheeks, just like she does with Kurt. Kurt smiles hugely, and Blaine grins.

"Is that my right of passage, then?"

"Oh, yes," Kurt assures him. "You're family now." Blaine grins at him and steps closer so that their sides are pressed together. Rachel clears her throat.

"Well, Kurt, now that you've got your wonderful surprise, dinner is ready!"

Blaine's stomach rumbles loudly as everyone follows after Rachel and into the dining room. Blaine hands Sophie off to Kurt, so that Kurt can get her into her bouncy seat next to the table. Blaine watches her, smiling when all the baby does is blow a raspberry and follow Kurt with her eyes when he walks back to his seat next to Blaine.

"Does she ever cry?" Blaine says incredulously.

"Oh, yes," Kurt says. "Can Soph ever cry! She's a screamer. Like her mama." Blaine gazes at the baby another moment, until Rachel comes in, balancing the chicken in her hands. She sets it on the table, complete with a salad for her, of course, a bucket load of mashed potatoes, asparagus, and still-steaming corn-on-the-cob. Kurt takes Blaine's plate to load it up for him, and then fills his own.

"I want one," Blaine whispers in Kurt's ear, once they're all settled.

"One what?"

"A little girl," Blaine says. "I want a little girl. And a boy, too." Kurt turns sideways in his seat and gives him a huge, excited kiss.

"Me too," he breathes. Kurt and Blaine just look at each other, until everyone starts eating, and then they pick up their forks.

The dinner table is alive with chatter, everyone trying to drown out everyone else, especially Rachel. Kurt thanks them all silently for having enough sense not to ask Blaine anything that would make him uncomfortable, or make him remember bad things. Mike draws Blaine into an animated story about his two twin boys, and Blaine is just eating it up.

Kurt thinks that Blaine might actually be able to last until midnight, until his poor boyfriend starts closing his eyes over his food. Kurt is already pressed flush against Blaine's side, but he rests his hand on Blaine's thigh and squeezes gently.

"You okay?" Kurt asks when Blaine jumps slightly at his touch.

"Yeah! Yeah, I'm okay," Blaine smiles. "Just a little tired." Blaine proves it by wrinkling his nose and yawning behind his hand.

"We can go home if you want," Kurt says gently. "I don't mind."

"No, no," Blaine says quickly. "I want to stay. It's just until midnight, I'll be fine."

"Are you sure, honey?"

"Uh-huh," Blaine says cheerfully, leaning forward and pecking Kurt on the lips. "I haven't seen the ball drop in three years! And I can't wait to kiss you at midnight." Kurt stops fussing over him after that.

After dinner, Kurt helps Rachel and Carole clear the table, while ushering everyone else into the living room. Blaine stays next to Kurt though, and Kurt doesn't protest. He knows the feeling—like he _has _to be near Blaine. Blaine steps forward to help with the dishes, but Kurt immediately pushes him gently into the nearest chair.

"Will you relax for once, babe? Just take a breather." Blaine rolls his eyes and grumbles something about a long ass plane ride, but his lips quirk up, and he's still gazing at Kurt with that look that Kurt never gets tired of. That I-can't-believe-you're-still-here-and-I-love-you-so-much-_God_ look. Kurt kisses him chastely on the lips and walks back over the sink to help Rachel and Carole. He can feel Blaine's eyes on his ass as he walks away, and he grins. He throws a wink over his shoulder that colors Blaine's cheeks.

Kurt puts the dishes away in their respective places, while Rachel washes and Carole dries. Kurt has to pass Blaine's chair to open the cabinet, and every time he does, he cards his fingers almost absentmindedly through Blaine's hair. Blaine closes his eyes at the gesture, and waits with baited breath for Kurt's fingers again every time.

When they're finally finished, Kurt comes over and plops into Blaine's lap with a happy hum from the back of his throat. Blaine's arms are around his waist in an instant, and he buries his face in the crook of Kurt's neck. He inhales deeply, catching whiffs of flour, cherry, and _Kurt_.

"_God_, I missed you," Blaine mumbles into his neck. "You smell like cherries." Kurt snuggles back into the fold of Blaine's arms, sighing contently.

"Well, I made cherry pie," Kurt says, smiling. Blaine's head jerks up.

"You made cherry pie?" he gasps. Kurt chuckles and kisses the tip of his nose.

"Yes. We're having it for dessert. That's weird, though. I made cherry, but I didn't know you were coming." Kurt bits his lip and looks down. "I was—I was just trying to remind myself of you." Kurt glances up at Blaine through his eyelashes, watching Blaine's face flush with pleasure and hearing his breathing hitch.

"Well, I'm here now," Blaine says softly. "We don't have to be sad anymore." Kurt kisses Blaine's curls and nuzzles into them.

"I love you, B."

"I love you too, baby," Blaine returns.

Kurt and Blaine are offered the couch, to everyone's agreement, but they turn it down for the recliner. Half of it is because they feel bad taking up too much room with so many other people there, but the other half is because there's less room on the recliner, and they can curl and snuggle into each other without an excuse. Rachel sends a huge smile their way as she turns the T.V. on to Time's Square. Sometimes Kurt feels jealous, lonely, and upset when he sees all the people who show up to freeze their asses off, cuddling with their loved ones and families, watching with bated breath for the ball to drop.

But not tonight. There's nothing that could ever make him want to be anywhere else, with anyone else. This is perfect.

Blaine's breathing is evening out, even as his eyes stay open and unfocused on Kurt's kneecap. Kurt can tell he's fighting it—just like he always does. His head drops forward onto Kurt's shoulder, his breathing deep and warm against Kurt's neck. Kurt can't help but smile.

"Nap time," he says affectionately, rubbing lightly at Blaine's scalp. Kurt's voice seems to break the spell and jerk Blaine into awareness, even as he hums in delight at the motion of Kurt's fingers. He lifts his head a few inches, blinking hard and rubbing his eyes. Kurt stares—he's honestly the most adorable thing Kurt's ever seen. And he's _his_. Blaine groans to himself.

"Jeez, Kurt, sorry." Kurt huffs and rolls his eyes.

"Blaine, just take a nap. No one's going anywhere."

"No," Blaine protests, even though his eyes are already sliding closed again. "No…I have…have to…midnight." Kurt kisses him sweetly on the top of his head.

"I'll wake you up, sweetheart. Okay?" Blaine doesn't respond, and Kurt assumes he's already fallen asleep. A sudden thought occurs to Kurt, and then he's bouncing Blaine's head a little against his shoulder to wake him up again. He feels bad, but he just has to know.

"Blaine?"

"Mm?"

"Weren't you supposed to come home in February?"

"Mmhmm."

"Well…since you're home now, does that mean you can't come home then?"

"Uh-uh." Blaine shakes his head. He tries to focus on forming words. "'M staying home." Kurt processes this for a moment. He's staying home? He knows Blaine doesn't mean forever, but his heart jolts with the hope that Blaine's staying home for more than a few weeks.

"You're…you're staying home until?"

"March," Blaine mumbles cheerfully. "'M staying with you."

Kurt's heart leaps and he feels the sting of tears again. Blaine's home for _two whole months_. _Two months._

"Oh," Kurt chokes out, squeezing Blaine tighter to his chest. He lets him fall deeply asleep this time, content with his steady, snuffling breaths against his collarbone.

Mercedes approaches him a few minutes later, looking a little hesitant, like she might be intruding. Kurt reaches for her when she pulls up a chair, grasping her hand in his and smiling widely at her. She smiles back.

"How have you been, boo?"

And just like that, the tension evaporates, and everything between them is light and happy. Kurt's missed her—more than he even realized until she was here. She looks beautiful, all dressed up in a tight, silver dress. She's lost a lot of weight. She looks _fantastic._

"You look _gorgeous_, 'Cedes," he gushes in a whisper. Blaine doesn't even stir. "And I'm good. Okay. I mean, I have Soph now, and Finn and Rachel. And Blaine's home until March."

"Until March?" Mercedes exclaims. Kurt can't help the huge smile that spreads over his face. He can feel his face heating up in excitement and his eyes shining.

"Yes! Can you believe it?"

"That's amazing, Kurt. I'm so happy for you!" Kurt goes on to ask her about herself, he wants to know _everything, _everything he's missed since Mercedes has been living in Boston. She tells him about her new boyfriend, and Kurt's happy, relieved. He knew how sad Mercedes was when her and Sam had broken up. Kurt had never seen her so torn down before. But now, it seems, that she's bright again, more like her old self. They make plans to see each other in a few weeks, and Kurt's determined to keep in touch with her. To see her more often than just once a year. There's really no excuse for it—they're only a few hours apart. Mercedes goes quiet suddenly, her eyes landing on Blaine, soft and affectionate.

"You really never stopped loving him all this time? Even just a little?"

Kurt sees the curiosity and wonder in her eyes. He knows why she's asking. He knows a lot of couples _would_ have stopped loving each other, or gotten so lonely that it just wasn't worth it anymore. Sometimes Kurt has to remind himself that he and Blaine aren't all that normal. That everyone doesn't feel the same way they do. He doesn't even hesitate.

"No. I could never stop loving him." Mercedes beams with watery eyes. "It's hard," Kurt continues. "Of course it is. It's always going to be hard—with every relationship, not just mine and Blaine's. And sometimes I wonder if I can really handle it. There were nights…" Kurt stops for a moment. He trusts Mercedes, he feel like he can confide in her, it's just hard reliving it. "There were nights in the beginning, and sometimes even now, where I'd just cry myself to sleep. He wasn't there, he wasn't going to be there when I needed him—" Kurt's voice broke.

"Oh, honey," Mercedes whispers. "I'm so sorry." She looks like she might cry. Kurt shakes his head, smiling with wet eyes.

"I always thought about him, though. Whenever I would wonder if it was really worth it, I just thought about him. The answer was, _of course_. I could never picture myself with anyone else. It's just him. It'll always be him."

At some point, Kurt realizes he's starting to sound like a corny romantic comedy, but then he just laughs a little and swipes under his eyes. He hugs Blaine closer, tipping his head down to rub his cheek against Blaine's curls when he mumbles something in his sleep. He kisses him sweetly.

"I can't wait to come to your wedding," Mercedes smiles. "I get to be a bridesmaid, right? When is the big date anyway?" Kurt rolls his eyes at her.

"Of course you do! And it depends." Kurt smirks. "One of us has to propose."

"Ooh, who will that be?" Mercedes teases. "Have something in mind?"

"Not yet," Kurt says honestly. "I think…I think Blaine always assumes he's the one that's going to propose, but who knows, really? Maybe I'll surprise him one day." Mercedes beams and leans over to hug him, careful of Blaine lying across his chest.

"That's my boy." She squeezes him tighter.

Everyone starts to get anxious at about eleven-thirty. Kurt thinks they've all had a little too much wine, and then the champagne is being poured and Kurt's handed a glass. He sets Blaine's on the table next to the recliner. The whole room is getting loud and excited; Santana and Brittany are dancing in a crazy waltz across the room with Quinn looking on and laughing, and even Burt and Carole are acting silly, pressing sloppy kisses to each other's cheeks and rubbing their noses together. Kurt rolls his eyes. Rachel gets back from putting Sophie down, and Finn just grabs her and starts kissing her. Rachel squeaks in surprise, but of course she doesn't protest.

Blaine wakes up a few times from all the noise, and he keeps asking what time it is, but Kurt just shushes him and says, _"Go back to sleep, it's not time yet,"_ every time. He's pretty sure Blaine's only half-awake each time, because he just sighs sleepily and mumbles _"love you,"_ before falling right back to sleep.

Kurt doesn't want to wake Blaine up, but he knows his friends are going to start the countdown soon. Plus, Blaine will be upset with him if he doesn't. At about five minutes to midnight, Kurt rubs Blaine's shoulder to gently coax him awake.

"Blaine, baby, time to wake up," Kurt singsongs. Blaine grumbles, his voice hazy with sleep, and buries his face even further into Kurt's shirt.

"No," Blaine whispers, sounding almost desperate. "…no….five minutes." He tangles his fingers in Kurt's shirt. "Good dream," he mumbles, almost inaudibly. Kurt's heart aches—Blaine thinks he's back there, Kurt can hear it in his voice.

"Blaine," Kurt says again. "You're not dreaming, sweetheart. I'm right here. You wanted to kiss me at midnight, remember?"

Blaine lets out the cutest little squeak and scrambles to sit up in Kurt's arms.

"Oh!" he says breathily, embarrassed. "I—sorry." He rubs a hand over his face, and Kurt bows his head and kisses Blaine's forehead, his pink cheeks, and then his lips.

"Are you awake now?" he asks, amused. "I forgot how adorable you are when you first wake up."

"Yeah, yeah." Blaine yawns. "This is so attractive, I'm sure." Kurt's about to respond, but Blaine suddenly jerks in Kurt's arms. "What t-time is it?" he stutters. Kurt frowns and checks his phone.

"Eleven fifty-seven. Blaine—"

"I have to go to the bathroom!" Before Kurt can even squeeze around his waist, Blaine's out of his arms and down the hall to the bathroom. Kurt's eyebrows knit together in confusion. What's the matter with him?

"I'll go make sure he's alright," Burt says. Kurt jumps—he hadn't even realized his dad was paying attention to them. Burt untangles himself from Carole and wanders down the hall after Blaine.

He finds him pacing in front of the staircase, muttering to himself. He's tugging at his hair, a nervous habit that Burt has recognized over the years. He's gnawing on his lip, and he actually looks like he's about to burst into tears.

"Blaine? You okay, buddy?" Blaine spins around to face him—he hadn't even noticed Burt coming up beside him.

"Uh…yeah, yeah, I'm fine." Blaine looks down quickly without meeting Burt's eyes. "Just…just yeah." Burt chuckles at Blaine's rambling.

"So, you're going to do it at midnight, huh?"

"W-what?" Blaine squeaks nervously.

"Blaine," Burt says, amused and patient. "You think I don't know, kiddo? You think I haven't gone through the same thing myself? I know how terrifying it is." Burt reaches forward and squeezes Blaine's shaking shoulder. "You have nothing to worry about, Blaine. Nothing." Blaine's shoulder's slump into Burt's touch.

"I'm scared," he says shakily. "Kurt has every right to say no, maybe I shouldn't do it in front of everyone—"

"Blaine," Burt says. "He won't say no." Blaine's quiet for a moment.

"I was going to ask your permission," Blaine says softly. "Really. I was going to ask you, but I didn't know I was going to be back for New Years, and I just want to _so bad_." Burt laughs and pulls Blaine into his arms, hugging him tightly.

"Blaine, you've always had my permission. Well, not always, but you know what I mean. You and Kurt belong together, kiddo. I've known that since you two were in high school. I didn't know if you were going to screw it up, but I knew that you belonged together."

Blaine sniffed hard and wiped his eyes on his sleeve.

"Thanks, Burt. I-I'm glad you're going to be my father-in-law." Burt squeezes him arm around his shoulders.

"Me too, kiddo. Now get out there, you have one minute." Blaine seizes up nervously again, but he walks back into the living room with Burt following behind him. His palms are all sweaty, his knees are trembling, and his hair's probably a mess—

"Twenty!"

Everyone starts counting down, and Blaine wishes they'd just start at ten. Who starts at twenty, anyway? Kurt sees him and smiles happily when Blaine goes to put his arm around his waist. Kurt hands him his glass of champagne.

"I thought you weren't going to be here in time," Kurt says.

"Of course I am," Blaine teases, grinning. "I wouldn't miss our kiss for anything."

"Are you better, now?"

"Yeah," Blaine says, in practically a whisper. "Yeah, I'm good. Don't worry. Just watch the ball drop."

Kurt watches the screen, leaning to Blaine's touch. Despite the fact that Blaine hasn't seen the ball drop in so long, he can't watch the T.V., not really. He starts at Kurt, watching the way his lips curve into an excited smile, the way his eyes crinkle at the corners and light up.

"Ten!"

Blaine removes his hand from Kurt's waist, pretending to be scratching the back of his neck, and reaches into the pocket of his jeans to finger the small, black velvet box. This is it. He's finally going to do this.

"Five!"

Blaine feels his throat close up in panic. Oh my God, what if he can't say it? What if he opens his mouth and nothing comes out? What if he forgets his speech? What if Kurt is horrified and doesn't want to marry him (Blaine's irrational when he's nervous, but still)? But he has to try. Blaine drops onto one knee, waiting with baited breath for Kurt to notice him.

"One! HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

Kurt beams, turning to plant a huge, excited, passionate kiss to Blaine's lips. But Blaine's not there. All the breath whooshes out of Kurt in disappointment. He was so looking forward to that romantic, cheesy kiss—

Kurt gasps when he looks down to find Blaine on one knee before him. He can tell his boyfriend is nervous as hell—his lips are trembling like he's cold, and he looks unsteady, wobbling. He's holding a box with a beautiful, silver band in the center. Kurt swallows the lump in his throat; his eyes fill with tears.

"Kurt," Blaine says softly. He's surprised how strong his voice sounds. All of their friends and family finally take notice of Blaine's position, and Kurt's hand covering his mouth, and gasp. Rachel actually _screams_. "Kurt, I love you. That's the understatement of the year. I…I love you so much. More than anyone. I never thought I would feel like this, before I met you." Blaine sees the tears rolling down Kurt's cheeks, and wipes his own away.

"Kurt…Kurt, I know this isn't what you thought your life would be. I know that I can't always be there, but I always want to be. There's nowhere I want to be more than I want to be with you. But I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I have since junior year of high school. Kurt, I understand if you say no, I deserve it…" Kurt's crying freely now, shaking his head fiercely back and forth at Blaine's words, and Blaine's heart jumps violently in his chest. But there's no going back now.

"Kurt Hummel, will you marry me?"

A few of the girls squeal, and Carole lets out a tiny "Oh!" when Kurt drops to his knees in front of Blaine, flinging his arms around his neck and kissing him enthusiastically right on the mouth. It's clumsy and wet, because Kurt's practically falling into Blaine, but it's _perfect_.

"Please say that's a yes," Blaine mumbles hopefully against Kurt's cheek when he pulls away to look at him.

"_Yes. _Yes, yes, yes, yes! Blaine, oh God, _yes._ Of course I'll marry you. I love you _so much_."

"I love you, too," Blaine says in a choked voice. "Thank you." Kurt just shakes his head helplessly and kisses him again, cuddling into the fold of his boyfriends—his _fiancée's_—arms. Blaine takes the ring carefully from the foam, and slides it onto Kurt's left ring finger.

In the next second, Kurt and Blaine are swarmed with congratulations, hugs and kisses. All the girls are crying, including Carole, and Burt and the boys give Blaine thumps on the back. Burt hugs them both tightly, kissing both of his boys on the top of their heads.

"So when's the wedding?" he grins.

"February," Kurt says automatically. Burt looks taken aback, and Blaine even more so.

"Babe?" he asks uncertainly. "February? That's only a month away."

"Plenty of time for me to plan," Kurt says firmly. Blaine looks like he's trying hard to hide a huge smile, but the corners of his mouth turn up, anyway. A dimple shows on his right cheek, and Kurt leans forward to kiss it.

"But you always wanted to get married in the spring," Blaine says weakly. He twines his hands together in front of him. "I can wait, babe."

"Well, I can't," Kurt says. "I want to marry you, Blaine. Soon. I don't want to wait." Blaine stops trying to hide his smile and lets it break out across his face.

"Well, why don't you two just go to Vegas tonight?" Santana quips, sounding half-serious. Kurt makes a face, and Blaine counts that idea out immediately. Even though he would do it, if Kurt wanted to. He just wants Kurt to be happy, so that he can be happy.

They all drink their champagne and sit down to dessert. Kurt's cherry pie is delicious of course, along with Rachel's brownies, and everyone compliments them on how wonderful it all is. Blaine, in particular, is enjoying the pie, chewing it slowly with his eyes closed. He practically moans around each bite, and Kurt's cheeks heat up. He kicks Blaine lightly under the table, but Blaine just smirks and sends him a wink that makes Kurt's knees weak.

Kurt fiddles with the ring around his finger all through dessert. He can barely eat his pie, because he's just staring and smiling at the ring, watching it reflect the light from Rachel and Finn's chandelier. Kurt already knows that Mercedes will be his maid of honor, but everything else they can figure out later.

Blaine smiles adoringly at him, and Kurt thinks that all that matters is that he's home now. He's home, and safe, and they're _engaged_. Kurt can't remember ever being happier than this, and he never wants it to end. He just wants to start the rest of his life with Blaine, no matter what that might mean.

Blaine catches him staring and closes the distance between them. Kurt licks the cherry flavor off Blaine's lips, smiling into the kiss.

He definitely needs to make cherry pie more often.

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**Okay, I know the ending was pretty cheesy, but it worked. :) So, what do you guys think? I think the next chapter is going to be their wedding (even though Blaine isn't technically 'coming home,' whatever), plus Kurt and Blaine have dinner with a very special person ;) Reviews make me update, so please leave one! Thanks for reading, I love you all!**

**-hopewithfeathers**


	4. Beyond the Pale

**Hi, everyone! I'm sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up! It was the hardest for me to write so far, but I think I finally have it where I want it. Or at least as good as I can make it. Please enjoy, and leave a review. Tell me what you think!**

**Also, just a little note. I've never experienced PTSD, nor have I known anyone to experience it. I did my research of course, but I'm sorry if something doesn't seem accurate. I tried my best, so I hope you all like it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own glee, or the song Beyond the Pale by Ed Sheeran.**

Blaine is literally just crawling into bed with Kurt, again, when his phone rings. They've spent all day together, in bed, _alone_—making-out, having sex, talking, cuddling—and sometimes just smiling and starting, content with just being in each other's presence. Blaine can't remember the last time he was this happy. Well, besides last night, when Kurt said "yes" to marrying him. It's only noon, but Blaine can already feel the day slipping away. He wishes it wouldn't.

"Blaine, your phone," Kurt mumbles around Blaine's hair. Blaine shakes his head where it's pillowed in the crook of Kurt's neck, and plants a wet, warm kiss there.

"Ignore it," Blaine grumbles. "I'm with you. Whoever else is calling me can wait." Blaine mouths up Kurt's jaw, trailing kisses along his chin and down his Adam's apple. Kurt's swallows thickly.

"But what if it's Cooper? He wants to see you, too, Blaine." Blaine grumbles and huffs something that sounds like "don't care," but he groans and lifts himself into a sitting position on the bed. He hears his phone trilling from the kitchen, and groans louder.

Kurt laughs fondly at his fiancée as he heaves himself off their bed, trudging dramatically into the kitchen.

Blaine grabs his phone, and is about to snap out a "_what?_" into the person's ear, but then he sees the name on his screen. He swipes his index finger across it, and presses the phone to his ear.

"Hello?" he asks, surprised and happy.

"Hey, Blaine!"

"Jake! How are you?" Blaine can hear the smile in Jake's voice, and he smiles back. It's honestly really weird to hear Jake's voice over the phone, or to hear his voice when he's home at all. Blaine's whole life in the marines seems like a separate reality almost, and it's strange when his two lives mix together. When he's home with Kurt, Blaine forgets about everything else.

"I'm good," Jake assures him. "I'm sorry, I hope I'm not interrupting anything. I know you're probably with Kurt."

"Oh, it's alright," Blaine says, even though he had been angry at the interruption a minute ago. "I'm glad you called." There's silence for a second, it's not awkward, but still strange.

"This is weird," Jake says. "Just…it feels like you're not real, almost. Same with everything else." Blaine shakes his head.

"There you go again with the reading my mind thing," he teases. "God, seriously, it's starting to get really creepy." Blaine turns his head and smiles at Kurt when he pokes his head out of their bedroom curiously.

"So, what are you doing?" Jake says. "No, don't answer that. I mean, what are you doing tomorrow night?" Blaine chuckles. He gazes at his fiancée, and almost misses what Jake says next because of it. Kurt's hair is a mess, and he just has on Blaine's shirt, pulled over his head. He looks mussed and flushed, his lips swollen, and Blaine just wants to _devour him._

"What do you mean?" Blaine questions, a little breathless. "Nothing, being with Kurt." Blaine presses a sweet kiss to Kurt's lips when he's close enough. "Why?"

"Well," Jake says, grinning. "My family and I are going to be in the city tomorrow to visit Abbie's cousin. I was wondering if you and Kurt wanted to have dinner somewhere?"

"Really?" Blaine asks, shocked. "I didn't know you had family here!"

"I didn't either," Jake admitted with a laugh. "But I do. What do you say? I mean, if you're busy—"

Blaine rolls his eyes, twirling a lock of Kurt's hair around his finger. Kurt's mouth quirks up in a smile, and he leans forward to nuzzle into Blaine's neck. Blaine sighs happily. He remembers Kurt's "problem" with Jake a couple months ago, so he tilts his head questioningly at him.

"Well, I don't know…" Blaine teases Jake. "I'll have to check with my…ahem…_fiancée_, to make sure we can make it." Jake inhales sharply, and Blaine laughs, kissing Kurt again.

"Oh, man! You finally asked him? That's _amazing_, Blaine, congrats!"

"Thanks," Blaine beams. "Hold on, one second." Blaine cradles the phone between his shoulder and neck, so that he can wrap his arms around Kurt's waist. Kurt smiles lazily and rubs their noses together. Blaine wrinkles his adorably, kissing the tip of Kurt's. "Do you want to have dinner with Jake and his family tomorrow, babe?" Kurt blinks.

"I'm invited?" he asks, confused. "Are you sure?" Blaine gapes at him, rolling his eyes fondly.

"Of course you are! Jake's wife will be there too, and maybe his daughter."

"Oh," Kurt says, smiling. "Yeah, okay. I'd like that." Blaine's relieved that Kurt actually seems to mean it. He's obviously gotten over his fears that there's something between Blaine and Jake, because, _come on_, that's just ridiculous.

"We'd love to," Blaine tells Jake. "Just tell us where and when."

"How about Bonnie's on 5th Avenue? At seven?"

"Sounds good," Blaine says. "We'll see you then!"

"Bye, Blaine."

Blaine chucks his phone onto the couch once he hangs up, pulling Kurt further into his arms. He wants to say something cheesy, like "now, where were we" just to see Kurt roll his eyes, even though his eyes would sparkle and his lips would curl into a barely-there smile. But he doesn't get the chance, because Kurt's immediately pressing his mouth against Blaine's.

It feels wonderful. Obviously. But really, Blaine's had the taste of Kurt in his mouth all day—sweet, vanilla body wash Kurt—and he will never get tired of just pressing a little harder, swiping his tongue a little deeper, pulling Kurt just that much closer so that their bodies slant perfectly together. God, he even sounds cheesy in his own head. He's beyond caring at this point, though. He's allowed to be cheesy when he only gets to see his boyfriend a couple months out of the year.

The reality hits him hard, like it has so many times before. That's months he'll miss spending with Kurt sleeping next to him, with Kurt tucked under his arm while he reads a book, dancing in the kitchen while he cooks dinner, and walking with him through Central Park. And what about…what about when they want to start a family? He'll miss so much of their children's lives.

It's not the first time Blaine shakes his head and wonders what the fuck he was thinking when he gave all this up.

Blaine ducks his head into the crook of Kurt's neck, swallowing the golf-ball sized lump in his throat. He breathes deeply, and Kurt catches the shakiness of it.

"Sweetheart?"

"I'm just…I'm just so happy I have you," Blaine whispers, not without truth. "I'm so sorry, Kurt." And this is why he's marrying Kurt (at least part of the reason)—because Kurt just rubs circles into the small of his back, shushing him instantly and kissing his hair. There's no need to say anything. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too, baby," Kurt sighs. "And I know you love me. That's why we're tying the knot, isn't it?" Blaine chuckles weakly and wipes a tear where it trails out of his eye with the heel of his hand. He can't even think of the joke he would usually make at Kurt's question. Kurt's smile softens.

"Don't worry," he says, stroking the pads of his thumbs over Blaine's cheeks. "You always worry too much, B. I'm right here. You're okay."

"I'm okay," Blaine repeats. "I'm okay." Like a mantra. He'll be okay. Kurt's here. It's times like these, where Blaine can feel himself slowly slipping out of control, the person he knows, that he's terrified he'll lose everything.

Kurt senses Blaine's anxiety. And just like that, their peaceful, lazy day is ruined. At least, that's what Blaine's telling himself, gritting his teeth and silently beating himself up over it. Kurt wraps his arm around Blaine's shoulders and leads him towards the bathroom. Kurt knows exactly how to calm Blaine down.

"I'll start you a bath," he says quietly.

"With bubbles?" Blaine asks hopefully.

"Of course. Always."

()()()

"Blaine, darling, you look fine. You look fantastic, actually." Kurt steps up behind Blaine in their closet full-length mirror and wraps both his arms around his fiancée's waist. And Blaine _does _look fantastic—absolutely breathtaking, in Kurt's opinion. He's wearing a light suit jacket ("you want to look fabulous, but not too fancy," Kurt had advised) with a silver button down and a skinny black tie. Blaine smiles gratefully at Kurt's reflection, but he's still tense. His shoulders are hard knots digging into Kurt's cheek. "What's got you so nervous, baby?"

"I'm not nervous." Blaine sighs when Kurt lifts an eyebrow at him, pressing a sweet, long kiss to the side of his face. "Okay. I don't know. It's just…I'm completely comfortable around Jake, obviously, but…what if I don't know what to say?"

"What?"

"Like…" Blaine makes a frustrated noise. "This is our normal lives, you know? When we're on duty we talk about how bad it is, how badly we want to get out of there…but now…what?"

"You've got to talk about something other than the war, Blaine," Kurt prods gently. Blaine rolls his eyes and blushes. Kurt grins—he's missed Blaine's blushes, the way his cheeks flood with just enough color to make his eyes look gold, and sometimes, when he's really embarrassed, the color paints the tips of his ears, too.

"You." Blaine admits, meeting Kurt's eyes with a sheepish smile. "I talk about you."

"Well, there you go," Kurt laughs. "You can talk about me at dinner." He's obviously joking, but Kurt can feel his chest ache a little, a good ache. An ache that reminds him Blaine's still right here, and he still loves him. Of course he does. "But, really, Blaine, you'll be fine. I'm sure we'll have plenty of stories to tell, and when all else fails, ask about his daughter. Men love talking about their kids." Kurt unwinds his arms from around Blaine, kissing his cheek, and bustles around the room, getting his own clothes ready for the dinner that night.

Kurt misses the way Blaine's eyes trail after him, the way they widened when he mentioned kids, and the look of dismay and longing that flashes across his face.

()()()

As soon as Kurt and Blaine enter Bonnie's, Blaine is lifted off his feet in a huge bear hug. He just laughs and hugs Jake back—he should've known. He can't picture his platoon mate giving him a handshake or something instead.

"Blaine! How have you been, man?" Blaine just grins, and Jake rolls his eyes. "Right, right. Fantastic! You're engaged! Damn!" Jake's rambling a little, and it's sort of endearing. Blaine tugs Kurt forward to introduce him, twining their hands together.

"Jake, this is Kurt." Blaine beams. "My fiancée."

"He just likes saying that word," Kurt sighs by way of greeting. He smiles at Jake and holds out his hand, which Jake of course ignores, and hugs him, too.

"We've met before," Jake reminds him, laughing. "Hmm, you look much better without the puffy eyes." Jake winks at him to let him know he's kidding, but Kurt blushes anyway.

"Of course," Kurt says. "Nice to meet you…again." Jake leads them to a table they've already saved, where a petite, brunette woman is sitting. She's very pretty, even though for some reason Blaine's always pictured her blond. She looks up when they approach, smiling warmly. She stands and pulls both Blaine and Kurt into a hug.

"Hi, I'm Abbie," she says brightly. "Oh, I've heard so much about you!"

"Nice too meet you, Abbie," Blaine smiles. Kurt echoes him, and looks to the woman's right. Seated in a booster seat is one of the most adorable little girls that Kurt and Blaine have ever seen. "This must be Sable," Blaine grins at the little girl, who looks back at him warily.

"Yes," Abbie says. "I'm sorry, my cousin was going out tonight too, and we had no babysitter—" Kurt waves her off immediately.

"It's fine," he assures her. "We like kids. Especially cute ones." Jake smirks at Blaine, but Blaine just scowls playfully back. Inside he's thinking.

Dinner goes exactly as Kurt had said it would—wonderfully. They never seem to run out of things to talk about. Blaine lets Kurt retell their proposal story, that has Abbie cooing and Kurt practically in tears. Blaine stares adoringly at him, and smacks Jake's arm when he laughs. They talk about Kurt's fashion design, Broadway, Abbie's job as an English teacher, and yes, some stories about Sable as well. The little girl perks up her name and laughs along with everyone else. The brunette curls fall around her face and she smoothes out her pink dress—she really is adorable. And she looks a lot like her father.

Around the end of dinner, Blaine clears his throat.

"Actually, Jake there's something I want to ask you." Blaine glances nervously at Kurt—he hadn't actually talked to his fiancée about this, because honestly it had just occurred to him a few minutes ago, but he just needs to ask Jake this in person. He hopes Kurt won't mind. Jake looks up expectantly at him through a mouthful of fries. Abbie gives him a stern look. "Our wedding is in February…well, 'cause Kurt and I really don't want to wait. And I was hoping you could come up for it…and be the best man, too."

Jake stares at him for a second, before letting the wide, happy smile take over his face.

"Well, duh," he says. "Don't think you're going to get out of inviting me to your wedding! And I'd love to be the best man." Blaine smiles and glances at Kurt again with an apologetic look. Kurt's just smiling though, and nods at Blaine as if to say _'of course it's okay_.'

They keep talking long after the waitress brings their check, but finally Sable starts to get restless, and Jake and Abbie apologize and get up to leave. Sable's been the 'cute little-girl shy' the whole way through dinner, but before they leave, she smiles an adorable toothy smile.

"Bye," she says softly. Blaine kneels down to her level, his eyes crinkling up with his grin.

"Bye, sweetie. I'm so glad I got to meet you." Sable beams and leans forward, giving Blaine a kiss on his right cheek, with an exaggerated "mwah!" Blaine thinks his insides have probably turned to goo by now. "Thank you," he laughs. Abbie smiles at him when he stands, and hugs him tightly. Jake hugs him next, and Blaine watches Kurt and Abbie over his shoulder, exchanging phone numbers and promising to keep in touch. Blaine had thought they had hit it off, and he was right.

"Maybe I'll see you again soon, even after the wedding," Abbie says happily. "Who knows? I love New York, I would _love _to move here."

"Yeah, Michigan is boring anyway," Jake jokes. He hugs Kurt too, ruffling his hair to Kurt's squawk of protest. He grins, but there's something serious in his eyes when speaks next. "You take care of him, alright?" he says. Blaine's about to roll his eyes and insist that he doesn't need Kurt to take care of him (even though he loves it when he does), but Kurt smiles grimly, knowingly, and looks just as seriously back at him.

"I will. I always do."

"Bye, Blaine," Jake hugs him again. "We'll see you in February. Take care until then, okay?"

"I will, apparently," Blaine grins. "Thanks, though. You too."

They finally leave the restaurant, Abbie and Jake going one way, and Kurt and Blaine going another. Kurt slings his an arm around Blaine's waist, bringing Blaine's hand up to his hip so he can knot their fingers together.

"Did you have fun, baby?" he asks.

"Uh-huh," Blaine says softly, distractedly. "I want kids, Kurt." Kurt blinks at the sudden statement, taken aback. He knows this already, of course, but they haven't talked about it in a long time. Years, really.

"Me too, babe," Kurt says softly. Blaine sighs, squeezing Kurt's fingers hard in frustration.

"It's not fair," he says. "I'm stupid."

"You're not stupid, Blaine." Kurt chastises, kissing his fingertips. "Don't, honey. I'm so proud of you. You know that, right? I'm _so proud_ of you, you have no idea. I'm so proud of what you do for our country," he swallows. "I'm so proud to be able to call you my husband." Blaine's breath hitches on the word, and he sniffs, laughing shakily.

"You can't call me your husband yet, though." he protests, no fight in his voice. He loves when Kurt uses that word so much that it's almost embarrassing. "Not until February twenty-first."

"Can too," Kurt argues. "You can't stop me. You're my husband, Blaine. Husband, husband, husband, ha!"

"You are such a kid," Blaine laughs, but he's crying a little now, too. He wipes a few tears off his face with the heel of his hand while Kurt kisses one away. "I love you."

"I love you," Kurt murmurs in return, tightening his arm around Blaine's middle.

()()()

The weeks before the wedding are hectic, to say the least. More like _chaotic._ Kurt's trying to plan _everything,_ one, because he refuses to hire a wedding planner ("They make everything look so tacky, Blaine, seriously!"), and two because he doubts there's a wedding planner who can plan as well as he can with only a few weeks to go. At least he has Rachel and Mercedes helping him, and even Carole gets excited and wants to join in the fun, too. If it can be called fun (Kurt tends to actually call it that when he's not buried to his shoulder in stress).

Kurt tries to let Blaine in on it too, of course. Blaine loves some of it—he loves picking the bridesmaids' dresses (a pale, wintery blue), the color scheme, the flowers, but once Kurt starts going on about the chairs and the dishware for the reception, Blaine tends to space out. Kurt called him out on it at first, but now he just finds it sort of endearing, in thatway.

Of course, Kurt starts to notice the little…_changes_ in Blaine. He knows it's to be expected, Blaine's probably literally been through hell (although Kurt really doesn't know, Blaine hates talking about it), but it's still strange to finally see them surfacing. He's not different personality wise, at least not too much. He's still the loving, affectionate, sometimes too-excitable Blaine that Kurt fell in love with. But there are other things, things that scare Blaine that never used to scare him before. Kurt first notices it when they go over to Rachel and Finn's for dinner one night. Carole and Burt have flown in for the weekend, and it's supposed to be a big family dinner.

Kurt and Blaine enter with one of Kurt's famous cherry pies, and they are immediately hustled into the kitchen by an excited Carole.

"Oh, boys, we missed you so much! We really need to get up here more often—"

"You get up here plenty, Carole," Blaine assures her with a roll of his eyes. "You're here at least twice a month."

"Yeah, we really appreciate, Mom," Kurt says guiltily. "We're the ones who should get down to Lima once in a while." Carole smiles, but waves him off like he's being ridiculous. Blaine laughs and kisses her cheek.

"Blaine, man, come play with us!" Finn calls from the living room. "I'm kicking Dad's ass, it's hilarious!"

"Finn," Rachel chastises from the stove. "God." Kurt and Blaine crack up, but they try to be quiet about it.

Then, Everything changes so fast that Kurt almost gets whiplash—a loud, booming gunshot sounds from the living room, and Finn lets out a victory holler. Kurt tenses—he almost feels all the breath whoosh straight out of Blaine.

Kurt snaps his head around to look at him. Blaine's face his almost a sickly pale, his eyes are wide and dazed like he's in another place (oh god, he probably is, Kurt thinks in horror), and his head whips widely from side to side—looking for his enemy. He's shaking so bad that Kurt's afraid he'll hurt himself. Kurt gasps and he bites his bottom lip so hard he tastes blood. Blaine sways dangerously on his feet, like he's about to pass out, and Kurt's arms flail for a second, reaching towards him. Is he supposed to touch him, or will that just scare Blaine more? He doesn't know, but Blaine's shaking all over and his eyes are clamped shut, and Kurt's really, really nervous now.

"FINN! God, turn it off! Turn it OFF!" Kurt screams. Big mistake. Blaine falls to his knees and clamps his hands over his ears, yelling like he's in pain with endless tremors running down his spine. Kurt realizes a second later that it wasn't him who caused this—Blaine's not even there anymore. He's muttering something under his breath that sounds like "no, no, no, not again" over and over again. He continues to shake and yell out even when the video game is turned off and Finn and Burt run into the kitchen. Kurt ignores them and falls to Blaine's side, tears springing into his eyes.

"Blaine? Blaine, honey, oh god, can you hear me? You're safe, baby, nothing can hurt you, you're safe—"

"NO!" Blaine screams in panic. "NO, no, no—"

"_Blaine,_" Kurt whimpers. God, he doesn't know what to _do_. Does he need to take him to the hospital? Is he having a panic attack? Blaine's breathing does sound awfully ragged and clipped, like he can't get enough air. Finn's eyes are wide in shock, Burt just looks lost, and Rachel has her hand clamped over her mouth in horror. Carole's the one who springs into action, close at Kurt's side and in front of Blaine.

"Blaine," she says softly. "Blaine, sweetheart, calm down. You're safe, honey. You're not in Afghanistan, you're in the kitchen. With Kurt and I. Blaine?" Blaine's quieted a little, but he still hasn't opened his eyes, and he's still shaking. Carole reaches out and rubs his shoulder after only a second of hesitation. Blaine gasps a little at her touch, but he doesn't recoil. Carole nods at Kurt. "Maybe you should hold him, honey. That will help." Kurt definitely doesn't need to be told twice—he immediately wraps his arms around Blaine, pulling his trembling fiancée against his chest, practically in his lap on the kitchen floor. Blaine seems to come back a little and clings to him instantly, burying his face in Kurt's neck.

"Shh," Kurt soothes. "Shh, I've got you, hun. I've got you." Kurt gnaws on his bottom lip when it quivers, but the tears manage to leak out of his eyes anyway. He kisses Blaine's temple, his cheek, his hair.

The entire Hummel-Hudson family stands around Kurt and Blaine what seems like forever, until Blaine finally starts to come back to himself. His breathing slows down, and his hands that were clenched into fists in Kurt's hair unwind and wrap more loosely around Kurt's shirt. Kurt doesn't even think of complaining. Kurt can feel when Blaine suddenly tenses again, and his hand flies to his curls and pets them anxiously, but Blaine doesn't seem to be scared. Kurt peers down at his hidden face—his cheeks are a flaming red and he's biting at his lips.

"I'm _sorry_," Blaine moans. "Oh god, I'm sorry."

"No," Kurt says firmly. "God, Blaine, shush. Don't apologize, this isn't your fault."

"Let's give them a minute," Burt whispers. Kurt doesn't even look up, but he hears them all pad into the living room. Kurt tilts Blaine's chin up, rubbing soothingly along the slight layer of stubble there. Blaine's blush won't go away, and he can't quite meet Kurt's eyes. His eyes are wide and watery, ashamed, and he looks like he's about to burst into tears.

"Honey," Kurt breathes, shocked. "Oh, baby, it's okay. This is…it's okay. It's not your fault, you can't help it." Blaine just shakes his head and sniffs. He looks away, working his jaw with clenched teeth, like he's angry. At himself? He starts to shake again, and clenches his fists to try and keep still. He still has the watery-eyed look that makes his eyes look ten times bigger than they actually are. "Babe…do you want to go home?"

Usually, Blaine would shake his head and tell Kurt he'd tough it out. He'd feel awful if he 'ditched' the family to go home, but this is something neither of them has dealt with before. It's new and terrifying, and Kurt knows already that Blaine hates not being in control. But to not be in control of his own body, his own mind? What must that feel like?

"Home," Blaine sighs hopefully. "Please." Kurt nods vigorously without a second thought. He kisses Blaine's head and tells him to wait out in the front hall, he'll explain things to their family. Kurt helps him to his feet and he wobbles on shaky legs towards the door. He waits patiently by it for Kurt—he can hear his fiancé whispering to the others, and Blaine feels disgusted with himself. He knows Finn's going to feel awful, and he doesn't want that, this wasn't Finn's fault. He hates being weak; he wants to call after Kurt and tell him it's okay, they can stay and have dinner and Blaine will act like a normal person. But his mouth won't work. He wants to go home, he wants to curl up in bed, under the covers, and never show his face again. Poor Finn, poor Burt, poor Rachel, poor Carole—poor _Kurt_. That's what gets Blaine worked up again. Poor Kurt. Poor, poor Kurt. What must he think of him?

Kurt hustles back into the front room in no time, curling his arms around Blaine and leading them outside. He helps him into the passenger seat with another kiss to his temple.

"I'm sorry," Blaine says again. But his voice is raspy, and it sounds empty and hollow.

"Shh," Kurt replies, gently massaging his scalp with his fingers before closing the door. He knows that always helps Blaine calm down.

The ride back to their apartment is silent. Blaine can feel Kurt's eyes on him every few seconds, but he refuses to look at him. He's so mad at himself he could cry. Why did this stupid fear have to run his life now? What if something happened at the wedding—if someone dropped a plate, or even yelled too loudly? Would he freak out again and be a terrified mess on the floor?

Once Kurt locks the door behind them, he turns to embrace Blaine, but then hesitates. Blaine's across the room from him, breathing heavily and staring at the floor. Kurt should've assumed—he'd want his space. Still, Kurt's disappointed and hurt. His shoulders slump.

"I'm going to bed," Blaine grumbles. He turns on his heel and practically runs to their bedroom, shutting the door loudly behind him.

"'Night," Kurt whispers, but Blaine obviously can't hear him now. Kurt goes over to the couch and curls himself into a ball, burying his face in his knees.

He must have fallen asleep, because later that night, he jumps awake to a warm body wiggling under the arms clenched to his chest.

"Hnngh," Kurt garbles, disoriented. "B, what…what are you…"

"I'm sorry," Blaine whispers, and Kurt goes completely limp in relief. There's the Blaine he knows, there's his sweet, soft voice, that adoring voice that he uses only with Kurt. "I'm so sorry, for closing you out, I mean. I love you, Kurt." Blaine is apparently a lot more coherent than Kurt is right now. Kurt has a million things to say to him, but he can't exactly think of what they are. Instead, he tugs him closer, under the fold of his arms, and kisses sleepily all over his face.

"C'mere. S'okay. Love you," is what he manages. Blaine chuckles softly, and god, if that's not the most perfect sound Kurt's ever heard. "You're cute," Kurt mumbles. Blaine laughs again.

"I think _you're_ the cute one right now, sweetheart. Don't you want to move to the bed?"

"No moving," Kurt decides, his face already relaxing into sleep. So Blaine tucks himself closer and throws an arm over Kurt's waist. They fall asleep on the couch together, content, with the worry lines from the day erased on their peaceful faces.

()()()

It's two weeks before the wedding that really has Kurt worried, though. He'd yelled at Finn plenty of times (Finn felt _awful, _and kept calling himself "_stupid, stupid_, god, how did I not _think_ of that?"), so flashbacks hadn't been a problem for a while. But then, there's still the nightmares—Blaine can hardly go one night without escaping them. They also find out there are other things that trigger the memories, however.

The day's perfectly normal. Kurt's working on his latest project for the design firm, his sewing machine and drawings spread out all around him on the kitchen table. Blaine's making them lunch, grilled chicken salad, while singing some Katy Perry song under his breath.

It's one of Blaine's good days. He's all confidence and cute shakes of his hips all around the kitchen, practically radiating happiness. Kurt watches him with an adoring smile. He's missed Blaine, _his_ Blaine, even though he knows on the bad days he's still Blaine. But all the nervousness and sorrow are gone from his eyes. Kurt laughs loudly when Blaine gives a particularly flirty jerk of his hips, winking over his shoulder at Kurt.

"You are such a _dork_." There's not even the usual fun teasing in Kurt's eyes, just soft warmth. "I love you." Blaine catches the serious air to his tone and turns to face him.

"I love you, too," Blaine says. "That's why we're getting married. Two weeks, Kurt, and we'll be _married_! Can you believe it? I feel like we've been waiting _forever _for this." Kurt wants to laugh, because they're so young really, they're only twenty-four, but he knows what Blaine means. He feels it, too.

"Me, too."

"You really should start on that dress, Kurt," Blaine teases, because Kurt's been complaining all day about how much work he has to do. "It's not going to sew itself."

"I know," Kurt sighs. "Ugh, I wish it would." He plugs in the machine and leans down to hold the fabric in place, pressing down the button. The machine whirs to life, and Kurt sticks out his tongue in concentration, moving the fabric just so, so that he can get the stiches perfect. His hand jerks a little at the sound of the salad bowl hitting the bottom of the sink, cursing under his breath. He looks up to scold Blaine, and stops dead. Blaine's shoulders are hunched over the sink and he grips the sides hard, like he's going to be sick. What tips Kurt off is the tremors, the same trembling that had warned him before. Kurt's heart starts pounding, and he whimpers, _god, what happened_, and then, _oh._

The sewing machine isn't that loud, but the repeated pounds of metal into the fabric are precise and firm. Like a bunch of synchronized gunshots, Kurt thinks in shock. In a panic, Kurt practically rips the cord out of the wall and sprints to Blaine's side. Blaine relaxes once the machine is off, but his hands are gripping the counter so hard that his knuckles are white. Kurt makes a strangled sound in the back of his throat, reaching out and easing one of Blaine's hands off the counter and into his own.

"Honey? Are you okay?"

Blaine opens his eyes, swallowing loudly. It's not as bad as last time—there isn't a huge flashback this time—just little flashes of scenes that play out like a movie in his head. He winces and tries to stop shaking. He knows that's what scares Kurt. Kurt sighs in relief when he sees his eyes are just a little hazy, instead of blank and terrified. Blaine breathes deeply through his nose and tries to push the memories out of his head. He manages to give Kurt a shaky smile.

"I-I'm o-okay. Sorry, sweetie, you can turn it back o-on." Kurt stares at him like he's grown an extra head. He pulls Blaine close, rubbing up and down his arm.

"No," Kurt says. "There's no way I'm turning that back on. Are you okay, baby? Really?"

"I'm okay," Blaine repeats. "Really, Kurt, I didn't have a flashback, it's fine—"

"It's not. Blaine, I don't care. You were shaking, and you're still scared. I'm not turning it on if it makes you even the least bit uncomfortable." Kurt kisses the top of his head, moving his hand to stroke his back. "Come on, honey, you should sit down."

"I'm fine," Blaine grumbles, but he follows Kurt the couch anyway. "But what about your project, Kurt?" Kurt waves him off.

"I'll do it when you're sleeping. Blaine…Blaine, baby, maybe we should get you some help—" Blaine tenses—he shuts down immediately, glaring at the carpet and curling into himself.

"I don't need help. I'm fine."

"Blaine, I know, I just—"

"Kurt, please. I don't want to talk about this." Kurt looks at him for another few minutes before dropping his gaze. He doesn't want to argue with Blaine. He thinks Blaine should get help, but he's not going to force him into anything he doesn't want to do.

"Okay," he says quietly. "I'm sorry." Blaine instantly softens and wraps his arms around Kurt's waist. Kurt exhales and kisses the top of Blaine's head where it rests on his shoulder. He's never had a problem telling Blaine when he's wrong before—they're both very stubborn, which is why they often have little spats (even though one of them always apologizes before bed). But something about this is different. Kurt can't call Blaine out on this, because it would hurt Blaine, too. It scares Blaine to talk about his memories, or anything having to do with the war, and Kurt hates seeing Blaine in pain. He doesn't know what to do.

"Me, too," Blaine whispers, sounding defeated . "I'm sorry I'm so…difficult."

"You're _not _difficult, Blaine."

"Kurt. I freaked out over a video game…over a _sewing machine_, that you need to use in order to keep your job. I know that I'm…different. I get angry, sometimes…and…and I get really insecure and keep you up at night when I have nightmares. I'm _sorry_."

Kurt turns to face Blaine and climbs onto his lap so that he's straddling his waist. He cups Blaine's cheeks between his palms so that Blaine has to look him in the eyes.

"Blaine. You're not difficult. I don't blame you for anything—it's not your fault. And you're worth all that hard stuff, okay? I'd rather have you, no matter what. Okay?" Kurt doesn't know if he did a good job at explaining it, because he feels like he really can't explain everything he feels for Blaine. But Blaine's eyes tear up and he gives Kurt a shaky smile.

"Okay," he breathes. "I love you, Kurt."

"Love you." Kurt closes the distance between them and sucks Blaine's bottom lip into his mouth. Blaine groans and clings to him desperately—Kurt smiles. Sometimes they both just want to forget.

()()()

The last straw comes when Kurt comes home from the office one night a few days later. He had tried doing his work late at night when Blaine was asleep, and it worked the first few times. But one night when Kurt was sewing away, Blaine must have heard it, even while he was unconscious. He woke up and started screaming bloody murder—Kurt had _never_ heard him scream like that. His reaction was probably a mix of his nightmare and the sewing machine, but it had scared Kurt so bad that he refused to try it again. Blaine had assured him it was "one time, it's okay, baby, I don't want you staying at the office that late," but Kurt hadn't budged on the matter. He never wants to be the reason Blaine's scared. Kurt hangs up his coat by the door, trying to feel his way to their bedroom without turning on any lights. He doesn't need to though—the light of their bedroom is on, flooding the hallway where Blaine sits against the wall, his knees pulled up to his chin.

He seems to be in a sort of daze—somewhere between awake and asleep. His eyes are unfocused, but they're open and drooping in exhaustion, fixed on the opposite wall. Kurt frowns deeply, approaching him cautiously, but trying to make a little noise so that Blaine hears him.

"Blaine," he says, as gently as he can. "Sweetheart, what are you doing up?" Even though Kurt's voice is soft and even, Blaine jumps violently, startled. His pupils dilate in a second of fear, before he relaxes at Kurt's concerned face. He slumps further down the wall and buries his face in his knees, sucking in a sharp breath.

"I…I can't s-sleep." His voice is raspy and thick with drowsiness. He tugs helplessly at his curls—Kurt wants to cry at the look of teary frustration and hopelessness in Blaine's eyes. "I'm…so tired," he mumbles, letting his eyes slip closed. "I can't sleep without you." Blaine doesn't mean for that to slip out. Kurt tries so hard for him already, and Kurt has to work _somehow_, and Blaine's stupid body is making everything so difficult for him. He half expects Kurt to be angry as he risks a peek up at him, but there's just raw pain and worry in Kurt's eyes. He kneels down next to Blaine and starts to rub soothingly across his back.

Blaine's head drops forward at Kurt's touch. He can feel himself start to drift off on the spot; he finally feels safe again.

"Alright," Kurt murmurs. "Bed. You need to sleep, babe." Kurt grabs Blaine around the waist and lifts him with only a little difficulty into his arms. Blaine wraps his legs around Kurt's waist and his arms around Kurt's neck with the little strength he has left. His head lolls on Kurt's shoulder, even as he protests.

"Can't," he sighs groggily. He still tries to fight it, jerking himself awake as Kurt pushes open the door to their bedroom with his foot. He knows he'll just wake up to nightmares anyway. "Can't sleep."

"Yes, you can, sweetheart," Kurt says back. "I'm here now. I'm here, you can sleep." Kurt lays him on their bed, leaving him for only a few moments so he can get changed. Blaine struggles to lift his head to watch him, but he must have fallen asleep, because the next thing he knows Kurt's climbing into bed beside him, tugging the covers up over them both. He wraps his arms around Blaine's middle, spooning him from behind. "That's it, honey," he whispers. "Go to sleep. I'm right here." Blaine frowns with his eyes closed—there are thick tears in Kurt's voice, though he's trying to keep them hidden. Blaine groans a little as he turns over to face Kurt. He cracks open one sleepy eye.

"Kurt," he mumbles. Then, he forgets what he was going to say. He closes his eyes again and reaches out instead to stroke Kurt's cheek. He presses a sloppy kiss to his jaw and then his upper lip. "Don't…"

"Blaine," Kurt says suddenly, desperately. Blaine feels a wetness on his thumb. "Please…please will you get help? At least…at least go to the doctor's or something, honey. Please? I can't…I can't stand to see you like this. You hardly ever sleep anymore." Kurt's breath hitches, and Blaine struggles to open his eyes again. Kurt's eyes are so, so blue, even in the dark, and they're filled to the brim with tears. Blaine feels sick to his stomach at the sight—he shouldn't ever be the cause of Kurt's tears.

"I…" Blaine says, hesitating.

"Please," Kurt begs, now crying quietly. "I just want you to be okay, Blaine," he whispers. "I don't want you to be scared anymore." Blaine doesn't point out that he'll probably always have nightmares, he'll probably always be a little nervous, at least more so than he used to be. Kurt just looks so defeated and broken and _sad _and Blaine hates it.

"I'll…I'll try," Blaine says. "Okay." And that's all he can say, because he feels too exhausted to talk anymore. "Sleep?" he asks hopefully. Kurt starts to blur, fading in and out of Blaine's focus.

"Yeah, baby," Kurt breathes. "You can sleep. Thank you. I love you so much, Blaine. I'm going to help you too, okay? I'll do anything for you."

"Mmm. You…too." Blaine's breathing evens out, and Kurt twines their legs together, cradling Blaine's head against his chest. He strokes his hair, willing the nightmares to stay away. He wishes it so badly that he's certain they will, even just for tonight. He starts to fall asleep with his face buried in Blaine's hair, listening to his soft puffs of breath across his neck. Before he does, he kisses Blaine's cheek and sings a little under his breath. Blaine always asks Kurt to sing when he can't sleep.

Kurt voice is shaky and the too whispery-hoarse where it keeps cutting out into silence during the middle of the song, but he sings anyway. He sings to keep Blaine asleep, to keep Blaine's demons away—to keep his _own_ demons away.

"_Breathe in, exhale, to turn to move beyond the pale, flag up, set sail, to find what's there beyond the pale. I feel like I've gone to the end of the world. What do I have to do?"_

**Okay, so I feel like the whole sewing machine thing was really hard to explain-but hopefully you all got the gist of it. I know this chapter was a little dark, but the next one is Kurt and Blaine's wedding, so that should be plenty of fluff :) Also, I just want to check-do you lovely readers want smut in the next chapter (so I'd have to up the rating on this story), or no? Let me know, and thanks for reading! :)**_  
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**-hopewithfeathers**


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